Man in the Mirror

For days this song been bugging my mind hence I decided to post it here... In life the only thing constant is change

Pursuit of Knowledge, Success and Happiness

Before I begin this rambling of mine let me congratulate those who finally graduated from high school and college ahhh the sweet smell of realizing one's dream that is just beyond one's grasp. I salute more those people that despite their hardship and circumstances in life they still continue to pursue their studies. I know it's not easy being able to stay focus despite having difficulty in surviving day to day living especially if one's problem is that of financial aspect or just having difficulty passing one's subject. I can't actually relate to those two main problem I've mentioned but I have empathy and  understanding that most people give me credit for. Yeah I may look silly and stupid at times but deep within me is this great fondness and desire to learn more about people's attitude and why they react to a certain situation. And yeah I should have pursue that psychology thingy while I still got a chance a couple years ago and who knows I might just be a Psychiatrist today but life sometimes take you into the opposite direction that you haven't got a clue and even to this day I still haven't got a clue why I study business administration (much to the dismay of most of my relatives at that time cause they thought I'm way much better to take up that course.... what about my doctor's dream or maybe that was their dream for me....blah blah blah) so there I find myself enrolled in my least favorite school and throughout my college days you could say I'm a bad and rebellious student.... you may ask why it's because I didn't get what I wanted .... I have dream of studying in Manila and in this particular school but then I didn't get that nor did I get to study psychology so what I did I drift through most of my college days.... there are times that I feel too lazy to even go to school so I utilize all the allowable absences in a particular subject but just enough so that the teacher won't drop me out from my subject... but there were also times that if I don't like the subject or the teacher I drop it out on my own free will.... and yes that's how much I value my education way back then I don't freaking care if I fail a subject or not so long as I'm happy with my decision and my classmate actually thought it cool that I keep on cutting classes or keep on being absent from class but the funny thing about it was that I am one lucky gal because some of the subjects I dropout I actually passed on the finals.... sometimes it's even funny to think about when most of my batchmates got so scared of a particular subject and did overnight and research so they can submit their thesis without a hitch while here I am having trouble relating to my groupmates so I decided to dropout of the group entirely and didn't attend the rest of the semester and thought I'll just retake it next sem but luck is really on my side because I passed that subject too it's actually English Research if I remember it right  and you can't passed it if you have no research work and yes I haven't pass any research work hmmmm it's luck I tell you..... then there was this subject that I got so lazy I'm always absent in class and the funny thing is that most of my seatmates are also absent but the teacher didn't noticed it cause we sat in the backseat so if most of us were absent they'll just presume it's vacant seat and there were no student sitting there .... so now midterm came and the result of the exam.... all my seatmates got NC while I passed the midterms they were shock cause we always have the same absences and is not listening well to the lesson.... you wonder how I did that well I have a thing with essay test it's my fave type of exam so if one give me that kind of exam even if I'm not present most of the time I can actually find my way around it that the teacher actually like my answer.... anyway to sum it all up my college days were spent drifting, hating, regretting, dropping and plainly just being miserable why did I ever study in that school I don't really like it a bit (yeah that's me being childish & being a spoiled brat). I was punishing them for not allowing me to pursue and study where I want to be and yes I finish my 4 year course in 5 years time hahaha but I actually have no regrets what I've done at that time and though I have many NC's and failing marks it's part of who I am and I am not ashamed I've got them because I choose to live my life like that and I realize you are not define by the grades you get from school or the achievements you accumulate while studying. I never did get any recognition from my class except for one medal in Chinese while I was still in Grade 1 I was second honor and they give a silver medal and it was really nice to look at and it feels great to have that achievement because for someone who just started studying Chinese with no Chinese blood and no idea what's it all about to get that honor is just great.... but hey I'm not actually into intellectual pursuits and the academe because I hate everything that has got to do with school I really find it boring but the most ironic thing for someone who hate school I have finish two Bachelors degree, other short term courses and a Masters degree and is now contemplating on pursuing a PhD degree (yes that's how much I hate school yet I still find myself in want to pursue further studies). For me school is just a means to an end but in reality you don't learn anything from it except theories and ideas when real learning comes from the real world, living in the real world away from the confines of the four corner wall of these so called classrooms. Maybe school help shape you up as a person it gives you discipline and rules and molds you to be an outstanding citizen someday but I don't like rules and I'm the most undiscipline person you could ever meet and yes I don't like to fit into a particular mold I hate conformity and doing what society dictates you to do. I do my own thing, live life the way I want it maybe learn a few hard lessons along the way but I just don't want to live like most people do. It's more free if you pursue the things that makes you happy and not be trapped with these fancy frosting society calls achievements and be measured up with their standard of success.  Success is limitless and unidentifiable, it can't be measured nor can it be judged, only you as a person can and will know if you have achieved the desire success you envisioned yourself because other people might see you a successful person while you only see yourself as falling short from your desired success level. I have neither the drive or ambition to pursue a definite career path cause for me being successful is not limited to just fame and fortune and prestige but being successful is living a happy life. It is so easy to say but hard to do because even if you have everything that money can buy, the best things that life could offer you and even the best rank in society but somehow it does not guarantee that you'll be happy. Happiness is a fleeting thing only few people find it and only few can keep it. I guess the trick of being happy with oneself is accepting your flaws and weaknesses and loving yourself inspite of it. 

Note: Just my random thoughts because I find myself wanting to write something....

Shine like a Star

We all have different path to take so don’t be just a shadow of someone else’s life. Shine like you ought to be and see how beautiful life will be.

Life is not meant to be live as a mediocre imitation or cheap copycat of someone else. That’s why God give us hopes, dreams, ambitions, capabilities, talents, gifts and core values so that we will shine more and be less of a shadow.

Life is about pursuing our dreams, freeing our soul and following the passion of our heart. It is one big canvass where we are the artist, creating, molding, sculpting and shaping it to how we envision our life would be.

It is a merging of your heart and your soul as you slowly start to find the path you ought to take. Finding your path doesn’t mean arriving at a particular destination but rather it is a continuous journey slowly unraveling everyday then discovering and reveling of new aspects within ourselves.

But if we live for a moment to be just shadow then we are not living the life that we should lived or partaking the path that we should take. So free yourself from the shadows and cobwebs that’s hindering your growth and realizing your potential.

Just break free, let go and shine like a star then see the great lights emerging from within. No more living in the shadows nor there be dark clouds in the horizon to dampen a free spirited soul and a heart full of passion.

July 11, 2011 @ 7:18am (after awhile I suddenly feel a little bit inspire to write something blame it on the status I coined in my fb)

Good Morning World!

I just thought to drop by in here my long forgotten blog. It seems I have forgotten my many random blogs in the Internet because I was too pre-occupied with my so-called reality. Hey this blog is my escape to my world where I pour out all my thoughts, misgivings, hurt, pain, joy and all wishful thinkings. If you really want to know what's inside of me then you've come to the right place. I have so many blogs in here some a bit personal, some just random stuff a little bit here and there.

So what have I been up to why I suddenly go hiatus oh well let's just say I just came back from my rollercoaster ride with a special friend. It was a journey with so many mixed emotions. Sometimes I feel like flying so high I can touch the sky and when it seems you can't really quite get enough of it the ride plunge as if you're falling down, down and nowhere else to go. It was one exhilarating ride and it was all I ever think about for a time. I guess I got a little bit obsess and get more than I bargain for. I should have not make it my world and let other people in but sometimes I don't listen to reason. It was an experience I would have not trade for anything in the world, it was a ride I never thought I would take but over all I learn a lesson that not all things you wanted in your life you can have. But even if you feel down after finding that fact heck life still goes on and you'll smile afterwards and just think of that ride and whether you want to do it again :-0

A Year Ago

Today mark a year since my RAI Theraphy and I can't believe how time flies because since that time until this moment so many things happen to me and I can really say I'm not the same person as I am a year ago. But that's not a strange or unique feeling as most people could change just within a few weeks or months, however my life's journey since that time of my medication was indeed very enlightening, mind boggling and sometimes humbling. Looking back at my struggles with my weight problem and everything else like the radiation, the isolation and the fight to get better was sometimes tiring but yet it keeps me moving on because I have a dream. I thought that if everything else gets better then I'll be just one step closer to that dream only to find out that what I've been dreaming are just sand castles build in the air. They vanishes and get washed out by the waves of change. But its funny now as I've look back how I was so determined to pursue that dream, so much fight, so much determination and hope that this time around I'll win. But I guess everything has its own timing or as I've fondly called in God's perfect time you'll get what you really deserved. It was not my time, I surrender to the inevitable, I swallow my pride, I clipped my wings but I never lose my faith that in HIS own time everything will come to be. For God never leave you empty handed, HE always takes care of you and surprises you when you least expected it. Keep on dreaming, keep on moving, keep on loving and keep on smiling for life indeed is still beautiful no matter what.

Blessings and Journeys

Sometimes in life we forget how bless we are because we look so long on the things that is not yet in our reach. I mean I'm also guilty of that, but when you really apply the saying "Be thankful for small blessings" you'll see a miracle in your life. Although we get bugged down by everyday things like problems and life gets a bit hazy, but at the end of it all there is still blessing to be found.

My life experiences since the start of this year has its up and down, a one crazy rollercoaster ride. I've experience what it's like to be on your own, to make do of what you have, to live with different people having different temperament, to laugh and cry, to sing in front of a church with the choir, to hear an earful of litany from a distraught divorcee and lots more. It was one great adventure both triumphant and discouraging but I can't believe through it all I've gained so many friends, touch many people lives and in my own little way help them. The friends I have are the blessings God has given me in return for the tears, the struggles, the confusions and the hopelessness.

Though I find it hard to say goodbye to them and leave the place because we have shared many memories but deep within I realize I have another journey to partake and life goes on after that. In every journey that I make the hardest thing for me to do is leave the place and the people behind because I know when I come home I'll surely be missing them much and I'll also leave a part of me behind. But as they say life moves on and flows like a river.

Honest Scrap Tag

Thanks to Gracebragg for giving me this tag. Just a little information about me as of this moment in time to get a glimpse about my feelings.

10 things about me:

1. I am a positive thinker, but I'm quite confuse with my life right now.
2. I used to be a shopaholic and an emo spender but now my life take 360 degree.
3. I’m a very sensitive person but I always keep my feelings to myself so people thought I'm strong emotionally.
4. I have a fetish for shoes and bags but now I'm more practical and budget conscious person.
5. I have become a little bit matured lately through my experience this couple of months.
6. I am a very understanding person but lately I felt my patience is not that strong anymore.
7. I wish I will be enlighten soon on the right direction to take.
8. I more of a beach person than a mountain person.
9. Sometimes in life you have to made a choice and at this moments I'm really confuse on which path I should take.
10. I am thankful for everything that I've been through especially the tough times I've felt and all the trials because it made me stronger.

Rules:
-Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have 7 friends.
-Show the 7 random names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Weblog.”
-List at least ten honest things about yourself. Then, pass it on!

Catch!

Bryce
Amy
Rej
Louie
Eva
Hazel
Wenna

Let it Go

There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people walk away from you: let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk to that person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have, He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to……

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ……

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth…..

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you.

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge……

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction……

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you u have a bad attitude…….

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better……

LET IT GO!!!

If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him……..

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship…….

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help themselves……

LET IT GO!!!

If you’re feeling depressed and stressed ……….

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying ‘take your
hands off of it,’ then you need to……

LET IT GO!!!

‘The Battle is the Lord’s!’

During the next 60
seconds, Stop whatever you are doing, and take this opportunity.

(Literally it is only ONE minute!)
All you have to do is the following:
You simply say ‘The Lords Prayer”..

The Lords Prayer

Our Father, who are in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, forever.
Amen.

Next, stop and think and appreciate God’s power in your life, for doing what you know is pleasing to Him.

PS: Do you believe in angels? I do…they come in various sizes, shapes, faces like your friends and families, they can sometimes become the shining light that flickers through the dark times in your life….

bitaw as I was browsing the Internet nahunong ko ani nga blog about ni cya sa isa ka girl nga in despair nakau sa iyang life then suddenly she read an email sa iyang cousin nga mao na ang sulat …mao to she think her cousin is the angel that let her wake up sa iyang depression…..then I like sa blog kay mura pud cya wake up call nko nga dli mo hang on sa isa ka thing or person….

God's Hotline Number

As I was waiting for my doctor's appointment this morning a poster suddenly caught my attention about God's hotline number so I read it unfortunately I didn't finish reading it since I've got called. Fortunately because of the Internet I've found it and would like to share with you because it might just help you when you need HIM the most. Enjoy and I hope you'll always keep the faith in HIM :-)

When someone is being mean to you, call PSALM 27(A)

When you're feeling sad, call JOHN 14

When others make fun of you because of your faith, call PSALM 31

When you are sorry for doing something wrong, call PSALM 51

When you want to help God and do His work, call JOHN 15

When you are worried, call MATTHEW 6:25-34

When you have impure thoughts, call ROMANS 13:11-14

When you want something for nothing, call ISAIAH 55

When you want all people to pray, call PSALM 67

When you are in danger, call PSALM 91

When you are not sure what to do, call JOHN 10:1-16

When someone has lied to others about you, call PSALM 12

When you need courage, call JOSHUA 1:1-10

When you need protection, call PSALM 121

When you feel down and out, call ROMANS 8:18-39

When your faith needs refreshment, call HEBREWS 11

When you are lonely or afraid, call PSALM 27 (B)

When you want Christian comfort, call ROMANS 8:14-17

When God seems so very far away, call PSALM 139:1-18

When you wonder if it's love, call 1 CORINTHIANS 13

When you need help getting along with others, call ROMANS 12:3-21

Out of the Box

"Think outside of the box" this is a quote I've constantly hear from people who want to motivate you, move you and wish you go outside from your own comfort zone. I can sort of relate actually because most of the time I'm so contented to live within familiar settings and surroundings, old friends, old habit, routines and stuff. I'm freaking scared to live or just to even think outside of the box thinking if I live within it I be much safer. How wrong am I? How many years I've wasted trying to protect myself from the pain and in reality from growing up and seeing things at a new perspective. Just last month so many things open my eyes and let me see things at a new light. Even old friends, habits and convictions I've view it in a new angle.

Hmmm strange what a way to start a new decade of living but at least I know now that I should not be trap inside the box but rather live outside it and maximize my full potential. I'm the only one who sets limit to myself (no wonder a good friend always tells me to not limit myself), to put boundaries of what I should and should not do. But something happen, something change me that if I really want to achieve something I should not enclose myself inside it but rather embrace new territories and adventures and dare to dream big and hopefully in the end I'll win and get what I've wanted.

The goal I have for myself is so huge but the mission I believe in I know can change lives but its just so sad people I've meet are like me they want to go on living inside the box. They are not open to new ideas and they don't give themselves a chance to dream big and make it happen. Because only YOU can MAKE a difference to your life, only you can really make your DREAM happen so long as you live outside the box, have faith, believe, hardwork and a determination to WIN whatever it takes. Life is not an easy road but just don't give up just always believe of the GOLD at the end of the rainbow.

Stumbling Blocks

Sometimes in life there are obstacles and stumbling blocks so what will you do? Do you take time to lift that heavy blocks to clear the path ahead or just find another way out. Right now life seems to be a bit on hold for me nothing much to do but wait for the doctor's go signal that I can travel. It's quite frustrating in my part as I've post in my bulletin in friendster since this plan is almost over a year in waiting. I've quit my job for this but also for other reasons which I will not disclose and right now all I have is time and patience to wait for the day that I can go. This time around is also different since I've already invested too much money, imagine paying for my room beginning November and I'm not yet there. That's the thing that pressure me the most and rooms in Singa doesn't cost cheap and I bet if the doki says go the airfare would be quite expensive also. I'm always a budget traveler everywhere I go I make sure I don't spend that much amount of money but this time will be different I've really invested in terms of monetary means. I guess there must be a reason behind the delay, maybe God has plans for me and I just don't know yet. I wish I can be that patience and not frustrated and just find that other way around this stumbling block. I know these are just trials to make me stronger to help me move forward with my life when the time comes that I'll live on my own.

I've realize that its been too long I'm living on my own comfort zone, on things familiar and safe and not daring enough to make that drastic move. I've been to Singa twice already and this will be my third trip there with a lot of risk. But I really need this move and see for myself, live for myself and be totally independent and live on my own. I guess I've just been drifting through life my happy go lucky days, parties, living for the moment, contented with what I've got and not daring to take the plunge to the unknown. But now my mind is made up, my focus is clear, my dream is back and for the first time in my life I can say I've got something to really look forward, to get excited about and fire up my desires. Yes it's been a long time coming but there must be something there why all these stumbling blocks or maybe I just need to finish something here before I go there. Does that makes sense well I don't know, I just wish I could have all the patience and serenity in life during this waiting time. Wish me luck.

Hibernating

Hi my blogger friends ahh its been ten days that I haven't touch my pc would you believe that...I'm kind of shock myself but its doctor's order but I can't really get the drift why she said that because before my therapy she said there's no restriction...so I give myself ten days before I'll use the pc again so here I am in case you miss me...but I don't know if anyone miss me no one leave a message in my cbox msg box I guess you're scared of my radiation lol...nah it can't contaminate you I'm not contagious actually I'm human hey not a machine...now I'm not making much sense but I miss blogging and Internet but for now I can't be much active in this cyber world gotta follow doctors order first..so anyway just want to share something I write during the days when boredom strikes and loneliness hit like a tidal wave.... its sort of an outlet...I was kind of thinking to put this in my wordpress blog then decide I better put it here....so here it goes....my senti moni thoughts lol



Tonight I think of you much more than any other nights. Because tonight I watch "The Lakehouse" again and somehow I finally get the drift of its charm. Why people find it so romantic because despite time and distance true love can wait and find its way into each other arms. So maybe your searching for that kind of love. Is it true can it exist for real? I don't know but it might just be true. Who knows we really can't tell what the future might bring. But if two people who love each other truly then perhaps dream can become reality and love will find a way to bring them together forever.

done: sept. 17, 2008



hehehe that's what romantic movies do to me I get cheesy...so take care friends I miss you all....

If Only

If only reality is beautiful

If only all places could be paradise

If only life could be a bed of roses

If only poverty does not exist

If only tears does not flow

If only hunger is just a dream

If only hatred turns into love

If only war is just a state of things

If only greed and corruption cease

but reality has a bitter taste
life's far from getting there
nowhere close, nowhere near

but should not be a close illusion
of a disillusion person

but rather a burning fire
that lightens even the darkest heart
and sparks just a tiny bit of hope
inside a desperate soul

trying to reach out to something
something not quite there

an impossble dream perhaps?
Nah it could be real actually


9-8-08 5:23pm

PS: Just arrive from Simala am quite tired actually but just got inspired to write this one.... I don't know if you can call this poetry but anyway I hope you like it...I was thinking about these thoughts while travelling by bus and seeing things around me, how some part of the city lies in rumble, how there are some people and children lying helpless and hungry, then I compare it to the places I've seen with my eyes. How they're so progressive, so happy, so clean, so rich and just about everything opposite to what my eyes have seen this morning...enjoy do tell me what you think...thanks again

Blessing in disguise - 50th blog post

I can't believe this is my 50th post but of course not all original compositions, a little bit here and there, a little bit those and that and a little bits and pieces of me. Now what's my day like, wake up early in the morning to go to the office & fix the remaining paperworks, stuff & get my last pay. What was it like for me going to the office one last time. Actually its ok I know I'll be saying goodbye to it once and for all besides its very quite with no one around just two of my officemates. I ate breakfast one last time, our manager & ATE ask me to. It was yummy... what a nice way to start my day.

But, I guess it kinda paid up for over an hour & a half of waiting for the door to finally open. Ooops but I better hurry my doki could not wait that long I need to have my final check up to know if everything's fine. Hmme so what did I find out? I guess I really need to undergo that RAI option since I have plans on going somewhere but I could take option two which is to medicate it for 2-3 years with constant laboratory check.

If I opt for solution number two I need to wait 2-3 years here & what should I do with my life within that span of time. So I opt for number one & I'm going to have the treatment this Sept. 15 (wish me luck folks everything will be fine, need all the prayers) then afterwards gonna isolate myself for awhile but I can go out if I want to not just have close contacts with people.

Besides, its for your own safety, again it delays my plan am suppose to buy my ticket this month. I guess I can wait that long so long as my health's going to be fine later on. Then, the doki advice me to take it easy, relax, enjoy & stop working. Huh, did I have a premonition or something, so maybe not renewing my contract was a blessing in disguise because she said stress can also trigger the problem.

Now I'm medicating for a week with no iodine in my diet, no iodized salt, lato, guso, shells & all other food with high iodine. What a tiresome thing to do like monitoring your food intake in case you have an allergic reaction. But, I know I can get pass by same as the coming weeks when I'll sleep alone, have my own plate, spoon & fork, do laundry & all those stuff I must do alone. Wish me luck & hopefully afterwards I'll know why things is happening as they are because I always know in every cloudy sky there's always a sunshine afterwards, every rainbow after the rain.

So I guess I'll be spending my 31st birthday in Cebu & all those time was thinking of spending it on a cable car candlelie dinner (must be awesome). Hey its not that bad just gotta need something to do while I'm waiting for time & things to finally settle in. Make it productive, make it worthwhile & make it beautiful. Since, life indeed is beautiful despite the crosses & problems we all carry everyday what we need is ask HIS help and say I can't carry it alone God please unload some of the burdens.

Which remind me of the mass I've attended this afternoon, the priest says that in every trial & ordeal you've been through don't lose hope or faith in HIM, cause afterwards you'll reap your reward & that's what I've always been thinking about despite all the things that's bothering me. I know I will taste that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, all I need is time & patience that in HIS time all things will come to be.

Full circle

Hello blog its been awhile haven't been writing my thoughts that much...how come? Oh well I'm just too preoccupied with the mundane things of living, again trying to sort things out for myself & trying to stay healthy? hmm that's yet to be seen...been to the doki today & I had another lab test ahhh I get used to the needles piercing through my veins...its not really a biggie thing just a short stop & trial, a wake up call for me to take care of my body. What have I been doing with it, am I punishing it for things I don't like within my world but then something happen to awaken me of this slumber. It was a week ago when I got sick with fever & my head just feels like exploding, it hurts to even stand up. I guess it was all an accumulation of the bad feelings I have within, conflict with work, confusion of what I really felt for a certain person. Then it hit me like brick that if I get better with my fever I swear I'll change everything I've perceive so far besides if I continue with this negativity I'll probably delay my plans. And guess what it seems life's really turning peachy & I'm feeling a lot better than what I felt two weeks ago. The confusion & conflict they've gone away for sure... actually I'm quite excited I'm just crossing my fingers things will turn out really great. Nahhh I still haven't bought my ticket will only do that after I've cleared things with my doki so for now all I have to do is wait. Wait for things to finally unravel before me -- my plans, my dreams & my love (hmmmm cge nlng gud pwd raman mangarap) to come in full circle this month.

Theory of Life and Love

by: Albert Einstein



Sometimes in our relentless effort to find the person we love,
We fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us.
We miss out on so many beautiful things simply because we
allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns.

Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words,
For you will find rewarding happiness,
Not with the man you love
But with the man who loves you more.

The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance
Far enough to allow the person to grow
But ever too far to feel the love within your being.

To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving,
It only means that you allow that person to find his
own happiness without expecting him to come back.

Letting go is not just setting the other person free,
But is also setting yourself free from all the bitterness,
Hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart.

Do not let the bitterness take away your strength
And weaken your faith,
And never allow pain to dishearten you;
But rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it.

You may find peace in loving someone from a distance
Not expecting something in return.
But be careful, for this can sustain life but can
never give enough room for us to grow.

We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past,
But real peace and happiness come
Only with open acceptance of what reality is today.
There comes a time in our lives when we chase upon someone so nice
And beautiful and we just find ourselves so intensely attracted to that person.
This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives
And eventually consumes our thoughts and actions.

The sad part of it is when we begin to
realize that this person feels nothing
more for us than just a friendship.

We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer,
But in the end, our efforts are still unrewarded
And we end up being sorry for ourselves.

You don't have to forget someone you love.
What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality
Without being bitter or sorry for yourself.
Believe me, you would be better off
giving that dedication and love to
someone more deserving.

Don't let your heart run your life,
Be sensible and let your mind speak for itself.

Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well.
Always remember that if you lose someone today,
It means that someone better is coming tomorrow.
If you lose love that doesn't mean you failed in love.

Cry if you have to, but make sure that tears wash away the hurt
And the bitterness that the past has left with you.
Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you.
And when it does, pray that it may be the love
that will stay and last a lifetime.

There are two ways to live your life:

One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There is no mistake so painful that love cannot forgive.
No past so bitter that love cannot accept.
And no love so little that we cannot
start all over with

Restless & bothered

The plan was to write a very long post about the things that happen today. I should have not make it a big deal but I don't know why I was hurt in the process. I guess it's just me showing off my very sensitive side. I thought I've forgotten that emotion buried somewhere deep within but just today I've found out otherwise. Geeez its not so bad but I don't know what happen when tears almost flow down my face, what an embarrassing moment, too glad no one notice. I guess you can call it anything you want but its just that plain and simple depending on your perception. I know tomorrow's another day much better perhaps than today & thanks for the advice of my mama & sistah to not mind so much. I was just carried away with a very strong emotion. But anyway I guess its time for me to move on to go on another journey & leave the people I've met along the way. It was really fun meeting them & I'll always put them in a special place in my heart, but I guess I was not meant to stay longer I guess I need to continue on my journey. But for now I'll swallow my pride, my pain, my hurt & everything in between & go on doing what I've always done. I know I maybe weak in terms of physical appearance but deep inside I'm strong because I know God is watching over me & never forsaking me in times of hard moments. I've been through far worse situation before than this shallowness so I know I can get by. I'll just tell myself its just a couple of weeks more and tada...well for now its goodnight its almost midnight....don't mind my sorry thoughts

Before & After Marriage

Before marriage (read downwards)
He: It's great, the day I am waiting
for finally comes. I can't wait.
She: What if I regret and get a
divorce?
He: Don't you even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course.
She: Is there any possibility that you
will betray me?
He: Of course not, how can you have
this kind of idea?
She: Can you give me one kiss?
He: Of course, but once is not enough.
She: Is there any possibility you will
beat me?
He: Never.
She: Can I believe you?
After marriage (read upwards)

Broken Dreams

It's hard to get up when things finally start falling into pieces. The dreams you've made shattered and broken. Can it all be healed? Can time erase the pain & hurt of that broken dreams? I'm a very sensitive person very open to observing people's reaction to a certain situation that sometimes I can even predict if someone's hurt or distress.

But I don't mind them nor give them unsolicited advice. You can seldom see me talking and minding other people's business duhh they're adult right they should know what's wrong or right. But what if they can't tell the difference should I mind or not. The answer is no I very seldom give advice but when I do I always forget what I said only to be reminded later on by friends that I was the one who told them this and that.

Maybe I am just getting older where memory span tend to be short and what I say sometimes really doesn't make sense. But anyway here I am again on and off to two different topic so what about my title ok I'm getting there I'm just warming up. So I'm very particular about broken dreams and healing because I'm no stranger to that myself.

I've spend so many years trying to work things out for myself as you can see I'm a happy go lucky 30 years old gal still trying to make sense of it all. Hmmm maybe by now I should have found my answer but NO I'm still in my never ending journey. Although at this age I've learned many lessons that you won't learn in your younger years. Despite how you say you're mature because your this and that but experience is still the best teacher.

Throughout your life as your age grows older you see things and find things and then you make that things workout to better suit you. Hahaha I'm just kidding you can find out about it when you reach 30 and experience a few heartaches and pains but not with regards to love but more on life in general.

Ahh that pain it’s not so easy to heal, heartache can heal in time especially if it’s only broken love. Since, our life continues on moving and nothing much to do but get better as it progresses. However, the pain can remain for years it can get buried but there will be moments that it will resurface and geeez I know a dam will be broken during that time.

And that’s what greeted me when I arrive home today about my mother talking about my brother’s problem. It’s the hardest thing to solve someone else dilemma if one also don’t try to help oneself. It’s an emotional dilemma that’s been tearing him apart for years.

I know we don’t have a perfect childhood but when one is in pain one don’t realize the word FORGIVENESS. Oh yeah that excess baggage you’ll carry through your life if you don’t learn that word. Since, only through FORGIVENESS one can really move on and be at peace with thy self.

But people keep asking me before what’s my problem because they say nothing too big a problem if it does not involve financial aspect. Duhh Hello? Whose to say how big or small your problems only you can feel it no one can ever say it too “aii sush gamay rana dli bitaw na wawart” ahh that’s the most annoying thing someone could say.

The world does not revolve around money because one way or another you can find it in your own little way. The reason why people get this notion is because they think money can solve all the problems in the world and it’s such a shame because actually it’s not the answer.

Have you ever seen a crazy person in the street do you think the reason s/he went over the edge is because of money nahh it’s more his emotional turmoil. So it’s the reason why I’ve been rambling for so long because I can empathize with what my brother’s feeling but I guess I just can’t feel the pain he is feeling. I know it will be long but only until you can forgive then the healing will start.

Two years ago was the turning point in my life it was at that time I realize that I had too much excess baggage in my life, too much anger, too much hatred, too much pain and it was the reason for all my unhappiness. Then someone teach me how to forgive and how to trust God no matter how bad you are feeling. I’m not trying to convince you or convert you I’m just stating what I’ve been through.

Yes I’ve seen many people who have broken dreams almost give up on life, too disillusion, too numb to really go on but hey I’ve been in the same boat, the same path you’ve been living right now. I get better, I forgive and I trust that although I’ve many broken dreams life still give you chances to start all over again from scratch.

PS: write the half part when I get home this morning and the second part after I wake up this afternoon.....beautiful art credit by this link: http://www.elfwood.com/art/l/i/lisad/broken_dreams2.jpg.html

It's been awhile

I just came home from a night out with friends. I think the last time I went home early morning was back in 2003 it was after Jamaican night. But honestly speaking I really like going home when I can see the sun starts rising in the sky. As you may know I'm not a morning person so I can seldom see this phenomenon, when everything wakes up to see a new day just beginning, another new promise to make everything right.

Anyway, while I was riding a taxi home and I pass the rotunda where the church is located my mind started drifting a few years back in 2003. It was around 6am we were riding the van owned by my schoolmate in college. It was actually a hitch ride since we don't have a car at that time and getting a taxi is just taboo with too many people looking for a taxi ride home. Since, we meet them at the event and one of my schoolmates like my friend so they invited us to ride with them to Guadalupe.

Afterwards, when we reach the rotunda near church we see a little store who sells "puto & sikwate". We get out of the car and eat at the store. Ahhh for me it was heaven at that time eating "puto & sikwate" early in the morning with friends while the sun is just hovering in the horizon. Pure bliss for someone who seldom see sunrise.

Hey I'm not a vampire its just I find peacefulness after sunset where you can't see pollution in the air & the noises of jeepneys started subsiding while students and workers go home.

So what's the purpose of all these ramblings well I felt again that bliss while riding the taxi and was thinking about my friends way back when we were all one – the coolbabes. Ahh it was such fun memories, the craziness of all the things that we do, I will not forget those moments ever but I know in time well see each other again and laugh at our youthful folly. Hmmm actually I seldom felt those flashbacks anymore just don't know why the memories came rushing so fast so I decided to write and sleep afterwards.

For now we live life separately in different places, different friends and different directions but I thank you for all coming into my life. I have meet people who fill the empty places you've left behind they help me remember our past. But not actually relieving it but making new memories for me to savor later on. They make me see what I've missed out so much by my self-imposed solidad of not finding new friends and clinging so hard to the past.

Again thank your for another sunrise and new friends who'll probably fill another chapter in my life. Share many adventures, travel & stories though not the same as what we have before but yet still meaningful to fill a colorful hue in my life. Ok I'm going now not making sense sometimes when I'm writing coz' I want to catch up my thoughts. I'm not a writer, I'm never good at it but I just like to express my thoughts and maybe perhaps you get a glimpse inside my head :-)