Choices

I could wallow in self-pity. I could drink all night and throw up. I could smoke like a chimney on fire. I could sleep around if I want to. But what's the sense of hurting yourself just because the plans you have doesn't turn out the way you want it too. Life has a funny way of twisting things around and screwing your brains loose till you want to scream "I've had enough". It's been one crazy roller coaster ride for me emotionally but if people see me physically everything seems to be in perfect shape.

I've made my choices couple of months back and I can say I've laid down all my cards. I guess I'm still a dreamer through and through. Although it's really sad to accept defeat that you lost something which you have so much hope for. Well what can I say that's part of life, you lose some, you win some it's just a matter of where the wheel is turning.

I went to see a friend today and part of me is happy that she is finally embarking on a new journey but part of me is sad because I know it's not really with the one that she loves. But as I've said our life is full of choices and one should be ready to accept the consequences of that action. However, if one could have a perfect choice would it be grand if everything we like we can have. Sad to say most of the things we want and love is not meant to be in our lives forever.

While on my way home I was thinking so many things how we fight so hard just to reach for our dreams only to come up empty handed. It was a very enlightening, mind-boggling, humbling journey which is sometimes hard to explain to close friends and families. It was only between me and her and we've even come close to cutting ties and ending our friendship. Inspite of it we still find time to laugh, to love and still dream but I give up too soon to follow my heart only to realize it's not a winning card.

Defeat is never sweet especially if the two things that you've fought for was never won. But when I look and glimpse at my friend I see defeat too for all the things that she fought so hard, for all the pain that she endures, for the love that she let go to choose the safer road. To give up her rollercoaster life in exchange for a more peaceful existence. I know deep within me it's the best choice and I'm so happy for her but we'll always have our loses but I know someday we'll be grinning big because we've also win life's battle.

Yes I didn't really get what I really wanted when I came home, maybe you can say I've lost something that's so close to my heart, but I won't worry because I know someday I'll also win in this game of life. It's just a wheel that continues turning, one day your down the next thing you know your on top. Cheer up, life goes on, it moves, it flows just don't be left behind by the tide of change. No matter how bittersweet life is, it's still the most beautiful thing that God has given to us.