Realizations

I'm sitting here in the office not feeling so well, I've got the colds and cough well hope it's not too drastic. Just a major change of temperature every now and then from hot weather outside to a very cold office cubicle. Thank God my mood swings lately have started to ebb at least life seems a little bit back to normal. I've been feeling so down and depress lately that people seem to stay away from me because of this mood. But through constant sheer will power and conditioning of my mind finally things settled. Yet I can't really seem to grasp the depth of my anger and the silly thing I did with regards to that certain emotion and person. I mean yeah I always am a very sensible person but with him I've become irrational, irritable and out of control. I know I'm like the song "half crazy" but what can I say I feel deeply for him but hurting myself in the long run is not an excuse. Letting myself be used by a certain person I meet almost a month ago is not an excuse either. Well I let that happen because I'm angry, confused and hurting but it's not a one sided thingy we're both using each other only I feel that I should have been much stronger to give in. I should have trusted God's plan for me but then I'm very impatient and can't wait for His plan to materialize. I want to make my own plans, live my own rules and what did I get out of it but a bruised heart and hurting soul. Never mind the ego we all must live without it inorder to move forward in life. Now I'm not feeling so well literally but at least it heals faster than emotional pain. But if you just believe God loves you through and through then no storm too big you can't conquer.