Wednesday, November 25, 2009

My Life's Irony

Over a year has passed since I went away in search of a dream believing in my heart that it was the right thing to do. To find my own place in this world, to search for a secure future not depending on my parents support and be free from all the restrictions of my life. I guess I was more than dreaming when I flew away believing I will find the greener pasture at the other side of the globe, believing life was way better than what I've been used. Oh how much I try so hard despite just recovering from a previous medication and it was a victory for me when the doctor finally says I can now go and begin my journey in search of my dream. Off I went not knowing I was half dreaming and half awake and what I perceive to be the greener pasture prove to be a wake up call for me lets just say I did learn some hard life lessons and valuable experiences. For all that I've went through that journey no matter how miserable I might have felt, how hopeless life seems to be, the constant tears and the fight to really find what I'm looking for was an experienced I wouldn't have trade for anything at all. It was indeed a very humbling time for me and for once not be engrossed in my sometimes self-centered world. I learn to value friendship and how much it helps keep your spirit alive despite the dark times you're experiencing. I learn to smile at the simple things and be grateful for everything that I have because I didn't realize at that time how blessed I am because I'm too focused with my own longings and desires.

After all the constant battle of finding my own path in life I realize that what I've been chasing after is not really what I want. The gold that glitters can't really satisfy all your longings in life. It can probably fill an immediate need but to be fully contented one's emotional need can only be contend if one is full of love in his heart. Not only is life meaningless without love but as an individual you will continually be dissatisfied with what you have, constantly struggling to find total satisfaction. However, if one has a lot of love to give then for sure life is more precious because it will return to you hundredth times. I'm not just talking about romantic love but love in its totality, no restrictions, no conditions, no boundaries. But sometimes its so hard to find that kind of love because we are humans bound by societies dictates and norms and we can't even love unconditionally. We love conditionally and that's normal because we're just humans and if in case we can love unconditionally absolutely perfect. But then again no one is perfect except God and he is the only one who can love us unconditionally no if's no but's. So the next time you try to find a perfect love look up because that's the only place you can find it but since we're still here on earth just be satisfied with imperfect love because that's the best thing you could get. So what's the point of all this rambling well that's one of the lesson I've learn while chasing my dreams and made me realize what is the deepest longings in my heart and yes I now know what I really want in my life.