Pursuit of Knowledge, Success and Happiness

Before I begin this rambling of mine let me congratulate those who finally graduated from high school and college ahhh the sweet smell of realizing one's dream that is just beyond one's grasp. I salute more those people that despite their hardship and circumstances in life they still continue to pursue their studies. I know it's not easy being able to stay focus despite having difficulty in surviving day to day living especially if one's problem is that of financial aspect or just having difficulty passing one's subject. I can't actually relate to those two main problem I've mentioned but I have empathy and  understanding that most people give me credit for. Yeah I may look silly and stupid at times but deep within me is this great fondness and desire to learn more about people's attitude and why they react to a certain situation. And yeah I should have pursue that psychology thingy while I still got a chance a couple years ago and who knows I might just be a Psychiatrist today but life sometimes take you into the opposite direction that you haven't got a clue and even to this day I still haven't got a clue why I study business administration (much to the dismay of most of my relatives at that time cause they thought I'm way much better to take up that course.... what about my doctor's dream or maybe that was their dream for me....blah blah blah) so there I find myself enrolled in my least favorite school and throughout my college days you could say I'm a bad and rebellious student.... you may ask why it's because I didn't get what I wanted .... I have dream of studying in Manila and in this particular school but then I didn't get that nor did I get to study psychology so what I did I drift through most of my college days.... there are times that I feel too lazy to even go to school so I utilize all the allowable absences in a particular subject but just enough so that the teacher won't drop me out from my subject... but there were also times that if I don't like the subject or the teacher I drop it out on my own free will.... and yes that's how much I value my education way back then I don't freaking care if I fail a subject or not so long as I'm happy with my decision and my classmate actually thought it cool that I keep on cutting classes or keep on being absent from class but the funny thing about it was that I am one lucky gal because some of the subjects I dropout I actually passed on the finals.... sometimes it's even funny to think about when most of my batchmates got so scared of a particular subject and did overnight and research so they can submit their thesis without a hitch while here I am having trouble relating to my groupmates so I decided to dropout of the group entirely and didn't attend the rest of the semester and thought I'll just retake it next sem but luck is really on my side because I passed that subject too it's actually English Research if I remember it right  and you can't passed it if you have no research work and yes I haven't pass any research work hmmmm it's luck I tell you..... then there was this subject that I got so lazy I'm always absent in class and the funny thing is that most of my seatmates are also absent but the teacher didn't noticed it cause we sat in the backseat so if most of us were absent they'll just presume it's vacant seat and there were no student sitting there .... so now midterm came and the result of the exam.... all my seatmates got NC while I passed the midterms they were shock cause we always have the same absences and is not listening well to the lesson.... you wonder how I did that well I have a thing with essay test it's my fave type of exam so if one give me that kind of exam even if I'm not present most of the time I can actually find my way around it that the teacher actually like my answer.... anyway to sum it all up my college days were spent drifting, hating, regretting, dropping and plainly just being miserable why did I ever study in that school I don't really like it a bit (yeah that's me being childish & being a spoiled brat). I was punishing them for not allowing me to pursue and study where I want to be and yes I finish my 4 year course in 5 years time hahaha but I actually have no regrets what I've done at that time and though I have many NC's and failing marks it's part of who I am and I am not ashamed I've got them because I choose to live my life like that and I realize you are not define by the grades you get from school or the achievements you accumulate while studying. I never did get any recognition from my class except for one medal in Chinese while I was still in Grade 1 I was second honor and they give a silver medal and it was really nice to look at and it feels great to have that achievement because for someone who just started studying Chinese with no Chinese blood and no idea what's it all about to get that honor is just great.... but hey I'm not actually into intellectual pursuits and the academe because I hate everything that has got to do with school I really find it boring but the most ironic thing for someone who hate school I have finish two Bachelors degree, other short term courses and a Masters degree and is now contemplating on pursuing a PhD degree (yes that's how much I hate school yet I still find myself in want to pursue further studies). For me school is just a means to an end but in reality you don't learn anything from it except theories and ideas when real learning comes from the real world, living in the real world away from the confines of the four corner wall of these so called classrooms. Maybe school help shape you up as a person it gives you discipline and rules and molds you to be an outstanding citizen someday but I don't like rules and I'm the most undiscipline person you could ever meet and yes I don't like to fit into a particular mold I hate conformity and doing what society dictates you to do. I do my own thing, live life the way I want it maybe learn a few hard lessons along the way but I just don't want to live like most people do. It's more free if you pursue the things that makes you happy and not be trapped with these fancy frosting society calls achievements and be measured up with their standard of success.  Success is limitless and unidentifiable, it can't be measured nor can it be judged, only you as a person can and will know if you have achieved the desire success you envisioned yourself because other people might see you a successful person while you only see yourself as falling short from your desired success level. I have neither the drive or ambition to pursue a definite career path cause for me being successful is not limited to just fame and fortune and prestige but being successful is living a happy life. It is so easy to say but hard to do because even if you have everything that money can buy, the best things that life could offer you and even the best rank in society but somehow it does not guarantee that you'll be happy. Happiness is a fleeting thing only few people find it and only few can keep it. I guess the trick of being happy with oneself is accepting your flaws and weaknesses and loving yourself inspite of it. 

Note: Just my random thoughts because I find myself wanting to write something....

Good Morning World!

I just thought to drop by in here my long forgotten blog. It seems I have forgotten my many random blogs in the Internet because I was too pre-occupied with my so-called reality. Hey this blog is my escape to my world where I pour out all my thoughts, misgivings, hurt, pain, joy and all wishful thinkings. If you really want to know what's inside of me then you've come to the right place. I have so many blogs in here some a bit personal, some just random stuff a little bit here and there.

So what have I been up to why I suddenly go hiatus oh well let's just say I just came back from my rollercoaster ride with a special friend. It was a journey with so many mixed emotions. Sometimes I feel like flying so high I can touch the sky and when it seems you can't really quite get enough of it the ride plunge as if you're falling down, down and nowhere else to go. It was one exhilarating ride and it was all I ever think about for a time. I guess I got a little bit obsess and get more than I bargain for. I should have not make it my world and let other people in but sometimes I don't listen to reason. It was an experience I would have not trade for anything in the world, it was a ride I never thought I would take but over all I learn a lesson that not all things you wanted in your life you can have. But even if you feel down after finding that fact heck life still goes on and you'll smile afterwards and just think of that ride and whether you want to do it again :-0

Choices

I could wallow in self-pity. I could drink all night and throw up. I could smoke like a chimney on fire. I could sleep around if I want to. But what's the sense of hurting yourself just because the plans you have doesn't turn out the way you want it too. Life has a funny way of twisting things around and screwing your brains loose till you want to scream "I've had enough". It's been one crazy roller coaster ride for me emotionally but if people see me physically everything seems to be in perfect shape.

I've made my choices couple of months back and I can say I've laid down all my cards. I guess I'm still a dreamer through and through. Although it's really sad to accept defeat that you lost something which you have so much hope for. Well what can I say that's part of life, you lose some, you win some it's just a matter of where the wheel is turning.

I went to see a friend today and part of me is happy that she is finally embarking on a new journey but part of me is sad because I know it's not really with the one that she loves. But as I've said our life is full of choices and one should be ready to accept the consequences of that action. However, if one could have a perfect choice would it be grand if everything we like we can have. Sad to say most of the things we want and love is not meant to be in our lives forever.

While on my way home I was thinking so many things how we fight so hard just to reach for our dreams only to come up empty handed. It was a very enlightening, mind-boggling, humbling journey which is sometimes hard to explain to close friends and families. It was only between me and her and we've even come close to cutting ties and ending our friendship. Inspite of it we still find time to laugh, to love and still dream but I give up too soon to follow my heart only to realize it's not a winning card.

Defeat is never sweet especially if the two things that you've fought for was never won. But when I look and glimpse at my friend I see defeat too for all the things that she fought so hard, for all the pain that she endures, for the love that she let go to choose the safer road. To give up her rollercoaster life in exchange for a more peaceful existence. I know deep within me it's the best choice and I'm so happy for her but we'll always have our loses but I know someday we'll be grinning big because we've also win life's battle.

Yes I didn't really get what I really wanted when I came home, maybe you can say I've lost something that's so close to my heart, but I won't worry because I know someday I'll also win in this game of life. It's just a wheel that continues turning, one day your down the next thing you know your on top. Cheer up, life goes on, it moves, it flows just don't be left behind by the tide of change. No matter how bittersweet life is, it's still the most beautiful thing that God has given to us.

Let it Go

There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people walk away from you: let them walk. I don’t want you to try to talk to that person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.

Let them go.

And it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when people’s part in your story is over so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have, He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to……

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ……

LET IT GO!!!

If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth…..

LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you.

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge……

LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction……

LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents

LET IT GO!!!

If you u have a bad attitude…….

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better……

LET IT GO!!!

If you’re stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him……..

LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship…….

LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help themselves……

LET IT GO!!!

If you’re feeling depressed and stressed ……….

LET IT GO!!!

If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying ‘take your
hands off of it,’ then you need to……

LET IT GO!!!

‘The Battle is the Lord’s!’

During the next 60
seconds, Stop whatever you are doing, and take this opportunity.

(Literally it is only ONE minute!)
All you have to do is the following:
You simply say ‘The Lords Prayer”..

The Lords Prayer

Our Father, who are in Heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name, Thy Kingdom Come, Thy Will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory, forever.
Amen.

Next, stop and think and appreciate God’s power in your life, for doing what you know is pleasing to Him.

PS: Do you believe in angels? I do…they come in various sizes, shapes, faces like your friends and families, they can sometimes become the shining light that flickers through the dark times in your life….

bitaw as I was browsing the Internet nahunong ko ani nga blog about ni cya sa isa ka girl nga in despair nakau sa iyang life then suddenly she read an email sa iyang cousin nga mao na ang sulat …mao to she think her cousin is the angel that let her wake up sa iyang depression…..then I like sa blog kay mura pud cya wake up call nko nga dli mo hang on sa isa ka thing or person….

Out of the Box

"Think outside of the box" this is a quote I've constantly hear from people who want to motivate you, move you and wish you go outside from your own comfort zone. I can sort of relate actually because most of the time I'm so contented to live within familiar settings and surroundings, old friends, old habit, routines and stuff. I'm freaking scared to live or just to even think outside of the box thinking if I live within it I be much safer. How wrong am I? How many years I've wasted trying to protect myself from the pain and in reality from growing up and seeing things at a new perspective. Just last month so many things open my eyes and let me see things at a new light. Even old friends, habits and convictions I've view it in a new angle.

Hmmm strange what a way to start a new decade of living but at least I know now that I should not be trap inside the box but rather live outside it and maximize my full potential. I'm the only one who sets limit to myself (no wonder a good friend always tells me to not limit myself), to put boundaries of what I should and should not do. But something happen, something change me that if I really want to achieve something I should not enclose myself inside it but rather embrace new territories and adventures and dare to dream big and hopefully in the end I'll win and get what I've wanted.

The goal I have for myself is so huge but the mission I believe in I know can change lives but its just so sad people I've meet are like me they want to go on living inside the box. They are not open to new ideas and they don't give themselves a chance to dream big and make it happen. Because only YOU can MAKE a difference to your life, only you can really make your DREAM happen so long as you live outside the box, have faith, believe, hardwork and a determination to WIN whatever it takes. Life is not an easy road but just don't give up just always believe of the GOLD at the end of the rainbow.