Thursday, July 31, 2008

Bon Voyage

It's been long overdue I should have write this blog few days ago. Actually I was thinking & drafting some notes during my spare time at work but I never finish it. I don't know how to begin or what to say all I know is that I'm happy for you. The dreams that you've been dreaming all those years ago, the talks, the hopes & the wishes is now finally coming true. I know you're very excited because at last you'll see your husband again & set foot in the United State of America. But, then again you're going away so far & I can't reach you that easily anymore.

I'll miss the memories & the crazy time we had here in Cebu. But what I'll miss the most is the adventure we had at some Asian countries we've travel. Just thinking about it makes me smile. Remember at the immigration in Changi with the officer asking you many question & you're quite nervous at that time then you said to him I've got lots of credit cards hahaha.... then remember the bird flu in Batam but we still visit it despite the about the time we walk all day in Bangkok just to look for a cheap shopping center....It was such a fun memories & I'll always remember it especially our first time travel in Singapore. It was like hitting 4 birds with one stone going to 4 countries in one vacation.

But you stay in Singapore and I go back to the Philippines still dreaming about what to make of with my life. You know you're that kind of person where you're so focus with your goals while I am the one who live life as it comes too contented for my own good. You always encourage me to stay focus on my career not to pursue many educational course. Yeah I'm over qualified for my present job academically speaking but career wise I haven't gotten that far. And thanks to you for reminding me to stay focus on my career not my studies.

Besides, if it weren't because of a certain guy that challenge me to reexamine what I have been doing with myself I wouldn't have what I'm enjoying now. Although its not much same old long hours low pay job but its a good substitute till I find what I am looking for. What I'm actually looking for? Well I don't know, but I thank you for always encouraging me to better myself.

And now its your time to move on & embrace your new life in the States with your hubby. I hope you'll finally found what it is you're looking for out there. I know it'll be a long time till we see each other again & I'm going to miss you for now. I've never thought you'll get married last year it was just so unexpected. It's so fast & feels just like a dream. I know I won't see you back in Singapore the next time I go there but hopefully I pray for the time we'll see each other again in the US perhaps if God will.

Take care my friend & have a beautiful new journey in the next chapter of your life. I'm always here for you, Hazel & Kathy whenever you need a friend.

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Saturday, July 26, 2008

Spending my time

Spending My Time - Roxette

What's the time?
Seems its already morning
I see the sky, its so beautiful and blue
The TV's on
But the only thing showing is a picture of you

Oh, I get up and make myself some coffee
I try to read a bit but the story's too thin
Then I thank the Lord above
That you're not there to see me
In this shape I'm in

Spending my time
Watching the days go by
Feeling so small
I stare at the wall
Hoping that you think of me too
I'm spending my time

I try to call but I don't know what to tell you
I leave a kiss on your answering machine
Oh, help me please
Is there someone who can make me
Wake up from this dream?

Spending my time
Watching the days go by
Feeling so small
I stare at the wall
Hoping that you are missing me too

I'm spending my time
Watching the sun go down
I fall asleep to the sound
Of "tears of a clown"
A prayer gone blind

I'm spending my time

My friends keep telling me:
Hey, life will go on
Time will make sure will get over you
This silly game of love you play you win only to lose

Spending my time
Watching the days go by
Feeling so small
I stare at the wall
Hoping that you are missing me too

I'm spending my time
Watching the sun go down
I fall asleep to the sound
Of "tears of a clown"
A prayer gone blind

PS: reminiscing my high school days hehehe one of my favorite band back then

Somewhere only we know

Lifehouse *♪ * Somewhere Only we know - Lifehouse

Note: Love this song so much and this video of "Somewhere only we know by Keane" cover by Lifehouse

Somewhere only we know (Keane)

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete
Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me?
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Why (Contemporary)

Allison & Ivan - Why -

I love this dance so much by Ivan and Allison very nicely done and Annie Lennox song "Why" is one of my all time favorite. If you like the video feel free to comment :-)

Why by Annie Lennox

How many times do I have to try to tell you
That I'm sorry for the things I've done
But when I start to try to tell you
That's when you have to tell me
Hey... this kind of trouble's only just begun
I tell myself too many times
Why don't you ever learn to keep your big mouth shut
That's why it hurts so bad to hear the words
That keep on falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Falling from your mouth
Tell me...

I may be mad
I may be blind
I may be viciously unkind
But I can still read what you're thinking
And I've heard is said too many times
That you'd be better off
Why can't you see this boat is sinking
(this boat is sinking this boat is sinking)
Let's go down to the water's edge
And we can cast away those doubts
Some things are better left unsaid
But they still turn me inside out
Turning inside out turning inside out
Tell me...
Tell me...

This is the book I never read
These are the words I never said
This is the path I'll never tread
These are the dreams I'll dream instead
This is the joy that's seldom spread
These are the tears...
The tears we shed
This is the fear
This is the dread
These are the contents of my head
And these are the years that we have spent
And this is what they represent
And this is how I feel
Do you know how I feel ?
'cause i don't think you know how I feel
I don't think you know what I feel
I don't think you know what I feel
You don't know what I feel

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Your eyes

I see your smile
then I feel alright

I look in your eyes
and I see something there

Something not quite real
Something I thought I've dream
Something I don't wanna believe
yet I see them clear

It seems you want to tell me
what that something is in your eyes

I've blink once
then twice
and triple times

Your smile grows bigger
and I smile back at you
For now I realize
what your eyes meant to tell

And that something is not unreal
It promises new things to come

You open your arms
and I run fast
feeling home at last

And I look up
just to see the truth
in your beautiful hazel eyes

PS: again an old poem just find it today written 7-5-04 for MR (not mentally retarded lol just an initial for that person) anyway if you like it feel free to comment okies...or if you like more poetry visit my website

Friday, July 11, 2008

True purpose in life

Yesterday I've read a very amazing post that really got me into thinking. I mean not that it haven't occur to me but I guess I was just beating around the bush till something tangible/readable appears infront of me. The amazing thing is that I've stumble upon this article accidentally since I was looking for an anti-aging article. Yeah you read it right anti-aging I guess there's still that vanity in me that likes to preserve my youth.

Anyway, what I usually do when I surf a site that intrigues me is to go to the main page. And there in the main page starring back at me is the article “How to know your life purpose plus how you can make a big difference” so I click it. It was an amazing article. Just to give you an idea I'll put some excerpt from that article. If you like it do visit the full article through the link I will provide at the end of this post. This is a must read, I really recommend it :-)

Have you ever set a goal and achieved it? And then felt flat afterwards?
This has happened to most of us.

If we feel flat after achieving a goal, then maybe the goal isn't what's important. So if it's not important, why do we set goals? I'll get to that.

The real fruit of what we would be doing would not be obvious to us, because it would be at right angles to the goal we set. It would happen as a side effect.
The trick is to set the right goals. How do we know if the goal we set is creating the right side effects?

He said that we are not meant to go after money. He suggested that instead we set a goal that 'adds value'. That is, that improves the quality of people's lives or of the earth.
Maybe that's why people like to help each other. Subconsciously they know that through doing that they are achieving their life purpose.

One way of knowing whether or not we have set the right goals is by listening to the 'taps on the shoulder'. These can be positive taps (blessings) or negative taps.

If something bad happens to us, we could take this as a 'learning experience'. We can also consider that it may be a negative tap on the shoulder. Perhaps there is something that we are doing (or not doing) that is different from what we are supposed to be doing.
The trouble with most people, and a reason why their lives may be in a mess, is that they don't listen to the taps on the shoulder.  They think that they are just `bad luck' - and don't stop to consider whether or not the fact that they themselves have anything to do with this `bad luck'.

Read the full article at Relfe

It is possible that a major reason why more people don't get into motion is the fear of making mistakes.

This is unfortunate because one of the MAIN ways we learn is by making mistakes.
When a baby makes its first efforts to walk - what happens? He stands up - then falls down. Does the baby then think - "I'm so embarrassed. I'll never do that again". No. He stands up - falls down - stands up - falls down - and keeps on going until he makes it. We can all walk, so we have probably all been through this.

But somewhere along the line the ego and fear of other's opinions seems to get in the way. People start wanting to never make mistakes. The only way to do that is to do nothing. So they do nothing.

But once we do nothing, there is no precession. The magic dies. Our purpose in life is no longer being fulfilled.

We are MEANT to make mistakes! The only thing wrong with making mistakes is when we don't admit them, or don't' learn from them.

Luckily we can speed up this process by learning from the mistakes of others.
Who invented the lightbulb? Thomas Eddison. How many mistakes did he make before he it worked? I have heard 10,000. I have heard a story that someone said to him – "How do you feel making 10,000 mistakes?". He replied "I didn't make any mistakes. I found out 10,000 ways that it wouldn't work".

Colonel Sanders (founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken), when he was 65 years old, was broke and living in his car. The only thing he had of any value was a recipe. He had to knock on 1,009 doors before someone agreed to his deal - to give him a royalty from every piece of chicken cooked with his recipe. His wife kept the statistics.

Another story: About Tom Watson (Not the golfer, the founder of IBM). A worker lost his division $10M. in 3 months. The worker got a memo from Tom Watson – "Please see me Monday at 3pm." That weekend was the worst weekend of the worker's life. He told his wife he was going to be fired. At the meeting on Monday he walked into Tom's office. Tom was at the board saying, "I want you to run this new division." The worker couldn't work out what was going on. He said "Aren't you going to fire me?" Tom replied "Fire you! Fire you! Why would I fire you when I just spent $10M. educating you!" Tom understood the value of making mistakes and learning from them.

If you make too many mistakes in school, what do they call you? A

Read the full article at Relfe

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Thursday, July 10, 2008

Dolls of Love

I have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him.

Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…

"Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't"
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment
grabbing me.

"No… I am going to meet a friend…"

He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word 'love' only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you' before. To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all.
He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why…

Then one day…
Me: Um, Jin, I …
Jin: What…don't drag, just say..
Me: I love you.
Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…
Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn't call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin…
Jin: Here…take this…
Again, he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… "Wait…"
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn't want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn't call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That's how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday
After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him.
He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it's going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.

Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…
Me: I don't need it.

Jin: What….why…
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again!

I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.
"I'm sorry"
He apologized in a tiny voice.
He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!

But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…

Honk~ Honk~
With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.
"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted…
But he didn't hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.
"Jin, move!"
"Boom!" That sound, so terrifying.
That's how he went away from me.
That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.
After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.

Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…

"One…two… three…"
That was how… I started to count the dolls…
"Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty
It all ended with 485 dolls.
I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…

"I love you~, I love you~"
I dropped the dolls,shocked.

I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.

"I love you~ I love you~"
It can't be! I pressed all the dolls' stomach as it piled on the side.
"I love you~"

"I love you~"
"I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn't I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn't I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it's stomach,
that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…

"Jo…Do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…"

The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…

For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life…

PS: I have receive an sms last year with the same content as this story but in the sms the doll contains a ring and says will you marry me. The person who send it to me ask if I would like a ring. I said of course why not unfortunately I never find out what his motives are at that time. Guess I wasn't meant to know because his gone and his never even my bf in the first place. Its just it was such a sweet message hehehe just reminiscing I guess

What do you think of me?

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Saturday, July 5, 2008

In my dreams

There was a time some time ago
When every sunrise meant a sunny day, oh a sunny day
But now when the morning light shines in
It only disturbs the dreamland where I lay, oh where I lay
I used to thank the lord when I'd wake
For life and love and the golden sky above me
But now I pray the stars will go on shinin', you see in my dreams you love me
Daybreak is a joyful time
Just listen to the songbird harmonies, oh the harmonies
But I wish the dawn would never come
I wish there was silence in the trees, oh the trees
If only I could stay asleep, at least I could pretend you're thinkin' of me
'Cause nighttime is the one time I am happy, you see in my dreams

We climb and climb and at the top we fly
Let the world go on below us, we are lost in time
And I don't know really what it means
All I know is that you love me, in my dreams

I keep hopin' one day I'll awaken, and somehow she'll be lying by my side
And as I wonder if the dawn is really breakin'
She touches me and suddenly I'm alive

We climb and climb and at the top we fly
Let the world go on below us, we are lost in time
And I don't know really what it means
All I know is that you love me, in my dreams

We climb and at the top we fly
Let the world go on below us, we are lost in time
And I don't know really what it means
All I know is that you love me, in my dreams

Oho only, in my dreams.

PS: one of my favourite song just makes you dream again mad...i don't know why your always on my mind...

Friday, July 4, 2008

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Tuesday, July 1, 2008

God's Miracle

A Muslim man in Egypt killed his wife because she was reading the Bible and then buried her with their infant baby and an 8-year old daughter. The girls were buried alive! He then reported to the police that an uncle killed his kids. 15 days later, another family member died. When they went to bury him,they found the 2 little girls under the sand - ALIVE! The country is outraged over the incident, and the man will be executed. The older girl was asked how she had survived and she says:- 'A man wearing shiny white clothes, with bleeding wounds in his hands, came every day to feed us. He woke up my mom so she could nurse my sister,' she said. She was interviewed on Egyptian national TV, by availed Muslim woman news anchor. She said on public TV, 'This was none other than Jesus, because nobody else does things like this!' Muslims believe Isa (Jesus) would do this, but the wounds mean He really was crucified, and it's clear also that He is alive! But, it's also clear that the child could not make up a story like this, and there is no way these children could have survived without a true miracle. Muslim leaders are going to have a hard time to figure out what to do with this, and the popularity of the Passion movie doesn't help! With Egypt at the center of the media and education in the Middle East , you can be sure this story will spread. Christ is still turning the world upside down! Please let this story be shared. The Lord says, 'I will bless the person who puts his trust in me. 'Jeremiah 17