Longue vie blog

One day I wake up and decided to revive this blog I mean it's not dying or something but it lack sparks and life. It's just out there drifting merely surviving but never really get the spirit it used to have. Well this is not some kind of a personal thingy where I put my heart and soul to it but mind you it used to have personality and once in awhile when I feel like it I tell you my soul and what's going on with my life. But for a couple of months or maybe it reach a year I've lost that sense of pouring out my thoughts and feelings into words. I thought I've out grown this love for writing and creative thoughts but I guess it just lies buried somewhere deep within me. This need to share feelings and ideas, to inspire, to motivate, to hope, to dream and just to simply be the person who can reach other people's life through their own experiences. I'm not perfect nor though I have a perfect life as what some people may perceive by just looking at the outside. Look more closely and you can see the scars both physically and emotionally of the battles I've fought within myself. Sometimes I've win and there are times I lost but it's alright because life is not about winning it's about relating and learning and making things better along the way. Life is not a bed of roses as cliche goes but for me Life is still the most beautiful thing we could ever have. Live, Love and Eat as what Wolfgang Puck always says or you could Eat, Pray, Love as what Julia Roberts did in her movie. It's up to you it's your life and you should be in control and be happy with it. As for this site it's a long time coming but it's getting there so come along with me and welcome aboard to the revival of this blog.

My Life's Irony

Over a year has passed since I went away in search of a dream believing in my heart that it was the right thing to do. To find my own place in this world, to search for a secure future not depending on my parents support and be free from all the restrictions of my life. I guess I was more than dreaming when I flew away believing I will find the greener pasture at the other side of the globe, believing life was way better than what I've been used. Oh how much I try so hard despite just recovering from a previous medication and it was a victory for me when the doctor finally says I can now go and begin my journey in search of my dream. Off I went not knowing I was half dreaming and half awake and what I perceive to be the greener pasture prove to be a wake up call for me lets just say I did learn some hard life lessons and valuable experiences. For all that I've went through that journey no matter how miserable I might have felt, how hopeless life seems to be, the constant tears and the fight to really find what I'm looking for was an experienced I wouldn't have trade for anything at all. It was indeed a very humbling time for me and for once not be engrossed in my sometimes self-centered world. I learn to value friendship and how much it helps keep your spirit alive despite the dark times you're experiencing. I learn to smile at the simple things and be grateful for everything that I have because I didn't realize at that time how blessed I am because I'm too focused with my own longings and desires.

After all the constant battle of finding my own path in life I realize that what I've been chasing after is not really what I want. The gold that glitters can't really satisfy all your longings in life. It can probably fill an immediate need but to be fully contented one's emotional need can only be contend if one is full of love in his heart. Not only is life meaningless without love but as an individual you will continually be dissatisfied with what you have, constantly struggling to find total satisfaction. However, if one has a lot of love to give then for sure life is more precious because it will return to you hundredth times. I'm not just talking about romantic love but love in its totality, no restrictions, no conditions, no boundaries. But sometimes its so hard to find that kind of love because we are humans bound by societies dictates and norms and we can't even love unconditionally. We love conditionally and that's normal because we're just humans and if in case we can love unconditionally absolutely perfect. But then again no one is perfect except God and he is the only one who can love us unconditionally no if's no but's. So the next time you try to find a perfect love look up because that's the only place you can find it but since we're still here on earth just be satisfied with imperfect love because that's the best thing you could get. So what's the point of all this rambling well that's one of the lesson I've learn while chasing my dreams and made me realize what is the deepest longings in my heart and yes I now know what I really want in my life.

Old Friend

A million times or more I thought about you
The years, the tears, the laughter, things we used to do
Are memories that warm me like a sunny day
You touched my life in such a special way

I miss the way you’d run your fingers through my hair
Those cozy nights we cuddled in your easy chair
Oh no, I won’t let foolish pride turn you away
I’ll take you back whatever price I pay

Old friend
It’s so nice to feel you hold me again
No, it doesn’t matter where you have been
My heart welcomes you back home again

Remember those romantic walks we used to take
You held my hand in such a way my knees would shake
You can’t imagine just how much I’ve needed you
I’ve never loved someone as I love you

Old friend
This is where our happy ending begins
Yes, I’m sure this time that we’re gonna win
Welcome back into my life again

Yes, I’ve tried to live my life without you
Knowing I had lost my closest friend
And though I’m feeling low from time to time
Knowing I will never find the kind of love
I had when you were mine

Welcome back into my life again

PS: I'm getting mushy, sentimental, cheesy all because of this friend of mine... I hate this feeling sometimes especially the melancholy side it would have been a good thing if I'll feel happy all the time but knowing me well my moods currently shifting most of the times... enjoy the song it's quite cute

A Year Ago

Today mark a year since my RAI Theraphy and I can't believe how time flies because since that time until this moment so many things happen to me and I can really say I'm not the same person as I am a year ago. But that's not a strange or unique feeling as most people could change just within a few weeks or months, however my life's journey since that time of my medication was indeed very enlightening, mind boggling and sometimes humbling. Looking back at my struggles with my weight problem and everything else like the radiation, the isolation and the fight to get better was sometimes tiring but yet it keeps me moving on because I have a dream. I thought that if everything else gets better then I'll be just one step closer to that dream only to find out that what I've been dreaming are just sand castles build in the air. They vanishes and get washed out by the waves of change. But its funny now as I've look back how I was so determined to pursue that dream, so much fight, so much determination and hope that this time around I'll win. But I guess everything has its own timing or as I've fondly called in God's perfect time you'll get what you really deserved. It was not my time, I surrender to the inevitable, I swallow my pride, I clipped my wings but I never lose my faith that in HIS own time everything will come to be. For God never leave you empty handed, HE always takes care of you and surprises you when you least expected it. Keep on dreaming, keep on moving, keep on loving and keep on smiling for life indeed is still beautiful no matter what.

Choices

I could wallow in self-pity. I could drink all night and throw up. I could smoke like a chimney on fire. I could sleep around if I want to. But what's the sense of hurting yourself just because the plans you have doesn't turn out the way you want it too. Life has a funny way of twisting things around and screwing your brains loose till you want to scream "I've had enough". It's been one crazy roller coaster ride for me emotionally but if people see me physically everything seems to be in perfect shape.

I've made my choices couple of months back and I can say I've laid down all my cards. I guess I'm still a dreamer through and through. Although it's really sad to accept defeat that you lost something which you have so much hope for. Well what can I say that's part of life, you lose some, you win some it's just a matter of where the wheel is turning.

I went to see a friend today and part of me is happy that she is finally embarking on a new journey but part of me is sad because I know it's not really with the one that she loves. But as I've said our life is full of choices and one should be ready to accept the consequences of that action. However, if one could have a perfect choice would it be grand if everything we like we can have. Sad to say most of the things we want and love is not meant to be in our lives forever.

While on my way home I was thinking so many things how we fight so hard just to reach for our dreams only to come up empty handed. It was a very enlightening, mind-boggling, humbling journey which is sometimes hard to explain to close friends and families. It was only between me and her and we've even come close to cutting ties and ending our friendship. Inspite of it we still find time to laugh, to love and still dream but I give up too soon to follow my heart only to realize it's not a winning card.

Defeat is never sweet especially if the two things that you've fought for was never won. But when I look and glimpse at my friend I see defeat too for all the things that she fought so hard, for all the pain that she endures, for the love that she let go to choose the safer road. To give up her rollercoaster life in exchange for a more peaceful existence. I know deep within me it's the best choice and I'm so happy for her but we'll always have our loses but I know someday we'll be grinning big because we've also win life's battle.

Yes I didn't really get what I really wanted when I came home, maybe you can say I've lost something that's so close to my heart, but I won't worry because I know someday I'll also win in this game of life. It's just a wheel that continues turning, one day your down the next thing you know your on top. Cheer up, life goes on, it moves, it flows just don't be left behind by the tide of change. No matter how bittersweet life is, it's still the most beautiful thing that God has given to us.

Love affair with the Net

I was reconnecting with an old hobby because after so many years geocities is going to cease its operation this October 2009. I guess if you have a site in there you need to transfer it to their paid hosting service or save it to your computer in case you don't want to lose your site. This also means an end to all my sites in geocities, where it all began for me. It was April 1999 that I first made my first website on the web, just the usual point and click. But, for me it was a big accomplishment for someone who have a minimal knowledge about computers. Hence, my love affair with the Internet started, web designing in particular and later some graphics editing. I don't claim to have the best site or techie site but my websites are a product of my hardwork those couple of years back from 1999 - 2005.

My biggest site so far is my poetry site the URL is: http://www.geocities.com/yadz5 done April 2000 with more than 50 pages.

My oldest site but no longer in its original design and compositions is http://www.geocities.com/zhainex done in 1999.

This site I made for my friends is a bit popular in google just try searching "coolbabes" and you can see it in the frontpage the URL is http://www.geocities.com/ryven5 also done 1999 just after my first site.

I also have a graphic website with samples of my vector graphics and first try in graphics design using photoshop the URL is http://geocities.com/grpx5/ done in 2001

I guess that's just some of the sites I've hosted in geocities and a couple of months from now they will no longer be available for viewing. I do have other site hosted in other free webhost but I won't include them here. My one regret and even until now I'm still searching for it is my site with flash animation. Anyway, do take time to get a glimpse of my past pre-occupation cause it will never be seen again in the web after October. I'm still contemplating whether to put it online again or just keep it to myself, however, my poetry site will always remain online as I've already paid for that domain for 2 years and got my own hosting. I still need to upgrade more on web development and design to make my site dynamic and more functional so hopefully that's my future plan.

PS: This post I've also put in my facebook account and I just thought to blog it here also in case some of my friends here are not into facebook.

A Few Good Men

I'm that type of person who always sees good in everyone especially men. Despite how my friend's complains and groans on men's shortcomings and inadequacies I find them still lovable. But before my opinion of them shift completely to 360 degree I vow to stop chatting for awhile. You might ask what has chatting to do with my opinion of men.

If you must know I am a closet chatter for over a decade now creating different persona, nicks and situation that fits my liking. From being a naive chatter, vulgar, aggressive, revengeful, angry, playful, liar, hopeful, dreamy and then I calm down to just being me. I've meet all sort of people from all walks of life in different part of the globe. It's been one amazing journey but lately my enjoyment of chatting seems to evaporate as well as the way I've viewed men in general.

I mean of course I should have known better as if I'm a newbie just trying to learn the abc's of chatting, I guess I'm just tired of all the lies and the games and the senseless direction it always end. It doesn't stimulate me the way it used to be, the people are not the same as they were way back when and the lies have just grown out of proportion. I thought there are still a few good men left in chat but I guess I'm proven wrong, yes it's a bit of a generalized theory but heck I must stop chatting in order for me to still see the good in every men and not get a glimpse of the hidden beast lurking and hiding inside of them. Sometimes the one you thought are the good ones are among the worst one you could ever met.

But anyway I still find them charming and lovable and since this blog is about good men I'll say a little thanks to some of my closest friends who've been there for me through and through:

JP - I met him when he was still 19 y.o and almost a decade later our friendship is still there despite the distance. Although we don't go out as often as before but I know he will always be there for me whenever I need someone to lean on. He is really a rare friend to have that's very sweet and caring. I consider him my longest, dearest and closest friend who have the same temperament with me.

JB - I met him last year unexpectedly and through common known friends and shared interest it was so easy to form a bond with him. Since, it's not always easy to be away from home and your comfort zone he was always there for us whenever we needed anything and vice versa. It's always nice to meet a person who you'll know at the back of your mind that will protect you from harm and trouble.

BT - He is a close family ties through marriage with a cousin. I also met him last year and I'm very grateful for everything that he has done for me. When I almost become homeless (literally) he offer me help without question and let me sleep in his pad despite the limitations of his landlord. He even carry my very heavy luggage through his 3rd storey flat using the stairs. No words can express my gratitude despite his sometimes weird sense of humour and passion.

DM - I maybe a little bit bias with this person because what I felt for him is like the turbulent waves. Sometimes it has its up and sometimes it has its low but despite its ever changing flow he always makes me smile. Even if there are moments that I become so angry and would like to hate him but I really couldn't bring myself to feel that emotion. What I felt for him is hard to explain even to my closest friends. Some people can't comprehend my feelings for him. But let just say he is the constant person to keep me company at the loneliest and troubles times in my life. I meet him last December of 2007 when I was so sad, bored and depressed and he was there during my lonely days in Singapore. Whatever happens I'm so grateful to him who lights a glimmer of hope during my darkest days.

These are just a few people who have touched my life and have become good trusted friends. For all the men I knew who somehow cause me pain and hurt in the past I've all forgiven you because life is too short to hate you. It's a waste of time and energy and if not for that I would have not learn my lesson and grow. Sometimes it's even a blessing why things happen because it mold you into a much better and stronger person.

Realizations

I'm sitting here in the office not feeling so well, I've got the colds and cough well hope it's not too drastic. Just a major change of temperature every now and then from hot weather outside to a very cold office cubicle. Thank God my mood swings lately have started to ebb at least life seems a little bit back to normal. I've been feeling so down and depress lately that people seem to stay away from me because of this mood. But through constant sheer will power and conditioning of my mind finally things settled. Yet I can't really seem to grasp the depth of my anger and the silly thing I did with regards to that certain emotion and person. I mean yeah I always am a very sensible person but with him I've become irrational, irritable and out of control. I know I'm like the song "half crazy" but what can I say I feel deeply for him but hurting myself in the long run is not an excuse. Letting myself be used by a certain person I meet almost a month ago is not an excuse either. Well I let that happen because I'm angry, confused and hurting but it's not a one sided thingy we're both using each other only I feel that I should have been much stronger to give in. I should have trusted God's plan for me but then I'm very impatient and can't wait for His plan to materialize. I want to make my own plans, live my own rules and what did I get out of it but a bruised heart and hurting soul. Never mind the ego we all must live without it inorder to move forward in life. Now I'm not feeling so well literally but at least it heals faster than emotional pain. But if you just believe God loves you through and through then no storm too big you can't conquer.

One fine Lad

I met him way back when I was spending some time in Singapore. He qualify for the promo run by our company with all expense paid trip to the Lion city plus pocket allowance plus newly promoted marketing director status. A status I've been hoping to achieve for quite sometime now and He get that position within two months. It's quite an achievement even for old timers in the company. How he did it was just go out in the field share our mission to as many people that he can possibly can within that span of time. My brother even wonder how he did it in such a short period of time but I guess plain hardwork and a determination to win.

When I first meet him I thought he has lots of air and conceit like my typical stereotyped concept of callcenter agents. We didn't get to spend so much time together since they only stayed in our house for about a week or so and within that time I always teased him with my friend hence he stay out of my way. I guess he don't want to be teased and make fun of so maybe that's the reason why. But, when you're far away from home even if you don't get to spend so much time together or get in touch that often you form a certain bond. Hence, that's what happen between me and him we form a new friendship.

I didn't actually expect it to happen as you can see I don't have high opinion about him at first but one thing you can't argue is the fact that his quite attractive and charming. Which I know ladies especially the one in the early twenties would really love to go out with him. But, the reason for this blog is that every time I see him it always reminds of my past. How I'm so attracted with goodlooking guys in fact my friends before and the guys I've associate with are attractive.

But there comes a point in your life as you get older that the shallowness of youth started to fade away and you seek for substance and maturity. It all started when I meet someone last 2007. He is not a looker but I was so amazed by his good attitude and kind heart then later on I meet another guy who've been the cause of my constant mood swings. Why I feel ecstatic one moment then so down the next. I admit I really feel deeply with this certain guy but it seems he don't value me as much as I value him. Then it made me realize to give it all up I've been in this stage for quite sometime now and it's not healthy.

So, when I saw my friend again today the one I met in Singapore it made me realize maybe I should just find an attractive guy and not hang on to this person for God knows how long. It seems I've been in a rot for quite sometime and I don't want to feel low about myself. I want to think positive, be happy, live, love and just be glad every moment of the day.

It always brighten my day whenever I meet this friend of mine. I remember when I was in Singapore and I was walking down the long stretch mall in Cityhall on my way to MRT and feeling so low and sorry about how my life was going there and whallah out of nowhere I see him and he smile at me. Guess what all those heavy burden in my heart just evaporated and I was happy once again like what happen tonight.

I was on my way out of the office to eat dinner when he called my name and we talk for awhile and he even encourage me to run for my desired position. I said ahh sometimes I get discourage I lack motivation then he said don't be just keep on going then he smile. He really got that beautiful smile that can brighten up your dreary days. Or maybe deep inside of me I'm still a sucker for fine looking lads and that's not being shallow it's just this kind of guys are like vitamins to your eyes lol...But anyway this heart still needs healing...ciao for now...

No More Words

I don't know why I lost my penchant for writing. How many times I keep logging in here only to come up empty handed, lost for words and thoughts gone astray. I don't know what happen to me a couple of months ago why this sudden shift of feelings. I used to love blogging so much especially during troubled times where I can express my thoughts in writing but I'm just so clueless.

I want to blame a certain person, I want to blame circumstances but what's the used of blaming people and situation when we make our own destiny and choices. I do wish I can go back to writing again, I do wish I can pour out all these pent up feelings and release a months worth of frustrations and misgivings and get back into motion and start the words flowing. But as of now I'm just here drifting here or there, stalking profiles if I got time and just barely coping up with the blogging world.

First Day

Today is the first day that I officially start my new job. Another new job description, another task far different from my last job. Although I love my last job so much but in the end it only brings me more discontent and disillusionment. It's not about the job at all but more like it the politics that surrounds it but anyway that's a long time ago already almost a year has passed and so many things have happen since.

Now I'm embarking on a new journey, not really the one I have in mind for myself but it was an unexpected opportunity one I didn't actually thought would come. So I grab it and hopefully grow from the experience and well as what they usually say we'll go from there and see what happens next.

Friendship and the Best Blogger Award

Thank you so much for this wonderful surprise another award from my friend online. It was unexpected and it made me smile really. You might not realize that a simple gesture could mean so much to someone. Hence, I thank Anne for giving me this award its very appreciated.



RULES:
1. Take your award here.
2. Put the logo on your post.
3. Link the person who awarded you.
4. Nominate at least 7 other blogs.
5. Add links to those blogs on yours.
6. Leave a messages for your nominees on their blog.

Here's the 7 blogs I give this award to:
1.Middle World
2.My Comfort Zone
3.Wena's World
4.Hodge Podge
5.Avid Thinker
6.Sand and everything under the Sun
7.Your Ecstasy

Blessings and Journeys

Sometimes in life we forget how bless we are because we look so long on the things that is not yet in our reach. I mean I'm also guilty of that, but when you really apply the saying "Be thankful for small blessings" you'll see a miracle in your life. Although we get bugged down by everyday things like problems and life gets a bit hazy, but at the end of it all there is still blessing to be found.

My life experiences since the start of this year has its up and down, a one crazy rollercoaster ride. I've experience what it's like to be on your own, to make do of what you have, to live with different people having different temperament, to laugh and cry, to sing in front of a church with the choir, to hear an earful of litany from a distraught divorcee and lots more. It was one great adventure both triumphant and discouraging but I can't believe through it all I've gained so many friends, touch many people lives and in my own little way help them. The friends I have are the blessings God has given me in return for the tears, the struggles, the confusions and the hopelessness.

Though I find it hard to say goodbye to them and leave the place because we have shared many memories but deep within I realize I have another journey to partake and life goes on after that. In every journey that I make the hardest thing for me to do is leave the place and the people behind because I know when I come home I'll surely be missing them much and I'll also leave a part of me behind. But as they say life moves on and flows like a river.

Hiatus

Hey what happen to my blog? To all my followers and readers I apologized for the long delay or not blogging anymore and having updates. It's just I was on a long journey of finding myself and making it work somehow but instead I seem to lost focus along the way. I find each day that passed that my hope is slowly dying, that somehow I lost interest on so many things. The one thing that keeps me alive and burning is my blog but even that can't get me motivated. I no longer wish to write nor can I keep up with just maintaining a blog. Well life was hard that time so I decided to come home for awhile and to get back the things that I've lost and forgotten throughout my journey. I won't say it was a waste of time, money and effort because the lessons I've had are way too priceless. Though life has its up and down in there but the friends I've meet are the one I'll treasure the most. I won't say I will not go back, but all I do know I have some business to take care of here and only if I finish that business will I ever conclude my definite plans. But I am not regretting my decision for the moment, though there are bit minor adjustment since the thing that was on the foremost in my mind got finally answer. So here I am again back with a vengeance and watch our for more blogs from me soon...hehehe

Honest Scrap Tag

Thanks to Gracebragg for giving me this tag. Just a little information about me as of this moment in time to get a glimpse about my feelings.

10 things about me:

1. I am a positive thinker, but I'm quite confuse with my life right now.
2. I used to be a shopaholic and an emo spender but now my life take 360 degree.
3. I’m a very sensitive person but I always keep my feelings to myself so people thought I'm strong emotionally.
4. I have a fetish for shoes and bags but now I'm more practical and budget conscious person.
5. I have become a little bit matured lately through my experience this couple of months.
6. I am a very understanding person but lately I felt my patience is not that strong anymore.
7. I wish I will be enlighten soon on the right direction to take.
8. I more of a beach person than a mountain person.
9. Sometimes in life you have to made a choice and at this moments I'm really confuse on which path I should take.
10. I am thankful for everything that I've been through especially the tough times I've felt and all the trials because it made me stronger.

Rules:
-Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have 7 friends.
-Show the 7 random names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Weblog.”
-List at least ten honest things about yourself. Then, pass it on!

Catch!

Bryce
Amy
Rej
Louie
Eva
Hazel
Wenna

Being Grateful

I am grateful because I have been tagged by Hazel. I want to thank her for remembering me and sharing "I Am Grateful Because..." tag to me. I am happy though we haven't meet yet for real I can feel that you are a real and genuine person. Thank you very much and advance merry christmas!



1. God gave me a wonderful and supportive family.
2. I have a lot to be grateful for the things that God given me.
3. I have real and true friend for real and online.
4. God always watches over me and always knows what's best for me.
5. God gave me peace and serenity about my current situation.


HOW THIS WORKS:

1. Re-post the picture on your blog and please acknowledge where it came from. Kindly leave a comment on this post so I would know you've posted it.
2. Write down 5 things you are grateful for and the 5 bloggers you are tagging.
3. You may copy this or write your own quote regarding gratitude

Now, I am passing this tag to my friends: (more than 5 of them)

1.)Amy
2.)Bryce
3.)Anne
4.)Rej
5.)Raymund

Finally Over

After all the confusion, doubts, insecurities finally I am receiving a go signal from the doctor that everything is going to be fine and I can travel. I guess patience is really a virtue and through constant prayer and keeping the faith God finally answer my prayer. But what's really making me happy is that well somebody from my past came back and well we did have a few misunderstanding and heartaches but now we're friends again unfortunately time's not kind and we will not have a chance to see each other for now. I will be going away next week and he will be coming by January ohh geessh now that we're friends again time is not yet kind. But I'm happy though that he came back whatever God's plan for me I'll just trust him more than I trust myself :-) If God will that we will meet in the future hmmm I'll just wait and see...okies that's all for now folks words just can't express what I feel :-)I'm just thankful to God that my confusions and impatience are over and now I can start to move on to the next chapter.

Out of the Box

"Think outside of the box" this is a quote I've constantly hear from people who want to motivate you, move you and wish you go outside from your own comfort zone. I can sort of relate actually because most of the time I'm so contented to live within familiar settings and surroundings, old friends, old habit, routines and stuff. I'm freaking scared to live or just to even think outside of the box thinking if I live within it I be much safer. How wrong am I? How many years I've wasted trying to protect myself from the pain and in reality from growing up and seeing things at a new perspective. Just last month so many things open my eyes and let me see things at a new light. Even old friends, habits and convictions I've view it in a new angle.

Hmmm strange what a way to start a new decade of living but at least I know now that I should not be trap inside the box but rather live outside it and maximize my full potential. I'm the only one who sets limit to myself (no wonder a good friend always tells me to not limit myself), to put boundaries of what I should and should not do. But something happen, something change me that if I really want to achieve something I should not enclose myself inside it but rather embrace new territories and adventures and dare to dream big and hopefully in the end I'll win and get what I've wanted.

The goal I have for myself is so huge but the mission I believe in I know can change lives but its just so sad people I've meet are like me they want to go on living inside the box. They are not open to new ideas and they don't give themselves a chance to dream big and make it happen. Because only YOU can MAKE a difference to your life, only you can really make your DREAM happen so long as you live outside the box, have faith, believe, hardwork and a determination to WIN whatever it takes. Life is not an easy road but just don't give up just always believe of the GOLD at the end of the rainbow.

Stumbling Blocks

Sometimes in life there are obstacles and stumbling blocks so what will you do? Do you take time to lift that heavy blocks to clear the path ahead or just find another way out. Right now life seems to be a bit on hold for me nothing much to do but wait for the doctor's go signal that I can travel. It's quite frustrating in my part as I've post in my bulletin in friendster since this plan is almost over a year in waiting. I've quit my job for this but also for other reasons which I will not disclose and right now all I have is time and patience to wait for the day that I can go. This time around is also different since I've already invested too much money, imagine paying for my room beginning November and I'm not yet there. That's the thing that pressure me the most and rooms in Singa doesn't cost cheap and I bet if the doki says go the airfare would be quite expensive also. I'm always a budget traveler everywhere I go I make sure I don't spend that much amount of money but this time will be different I've really invested in terms of monetary means. I guess there must be a reason behind the delay, maybe God has plans for me and I just don't know yet. I wish I can be that patience and not frustrated and just find that other way around this stumbling block. I know these are just trials to make me stronger to help me move forward with my life when the time comes that I'll live on my own.

I've realize that its been too long I'm living on my own comfort zone, on things familiar and safe and not daring enough to make that drastic move. I've been to Singa twice already and this will be my third trip there with a lot of risk. But I really need this move and see for myself, live for myself and be totally independent and live on my own. I guess I've just been drifting through life my happy go lucky days, parties, living for the moment, contented with what I've got and not daring to take the plunge to the unknown. But now my mind is made up, my focus is clear, my dream is back and for the first time in my life I can say I've got something to really look forward, to get excited about and fire up my desires. Yes it's been a long time coming but there must be something there why all these stumbling blocks or maybe I just need to finish something here before I go there. Does that makes sense well I don't know, I just wish I could have all the patience and serenity in life during this waiting time. Wish me luck.

Bonjour :-)

Hello my blogger friends well its been almost a month that I haven't written a single blog, well it seems life just kind of fly by so fast. With all the things happening getting RAI therapy and recuperating afterwards, my 31st birthday by the middle of the month and then meeting people for appointment to share my mission at the same time preparing for my trip. I haven't bought the ticket yet as I haven't seen the doki still hopefully next week since there's still a little bit of radiation left. I can't stay long or blog as often as I like since I'm still under treatment. But just to let you know I've started two new blogs middle of this month and if you like this blog of mine you can also blogroll my other two blogs:

Financial Notes - this blog is my online notes on stuff I've learn in my classes as well as the company and people who taught me so much about FINANCE.

Poetry in Motion - this blog is a much personal and detailed overview of my life in a poetic style, no ramblings in there, short stories or diaries, it will be purely my own poetry creation describing my life, love, people and places that inspires me to write.

So that's all the updates for now hopefully I can blog often by November but I do miss all my online blogger friends and also my FP blogger friends. TC All Miss you much....