Birthday Thoughts

Just finish celebrating my bday yesterday and it was small and simple :) Although I said it was just another bday its actually not since so many things happen to me this year. Some I would really love to forget to oblivion and never resurface in this fertile brain of mine but every event in our lives has a meaning has a purpose maybe mine was to get closer to God and to see my life in a different angle than my preconceived notion before. Searching and hoping to find meaning in my life and have peace within myself not knowing that by turning away from God I create great confusion and so many roads should have not been travel if I only know where to look and go whenever the worry bug hit me and insecurity sits in. But human as we are, we tend to find meaning outside our religious and spiritual context but in the end we realize there is no greater truth than God's love for us. I have not always been like this my mind was like a sponge wanting to know everything this world could ever give and offer. I even find myself studying new age movement but everything is just lies created by human wanting to find deeper meaning with their existence. Nothing wrong you might say but when you are into deeper with these things and get so hooked up not just the basic knowledge you find in the dummy book or some articles in newspaper and magazine then that's the time you questions God existence. If there is a God why would he gives us suffering why would my life not be a bed of roses, why can't I have everything I want but when you get to see closer at your questions you will realize how selfish you are, how self-centered only thinking about what's gonna best suit you. But life is more than just living for yourself and giving the best of everything for your being it is so much more....It is how you live your life and touch other people lives not by the material things you've given but by the quality of time you spend with your close friends and family. The little sacrifice you give, the little things, the simple things, the care and the love. So I guess it's not just another bday for me...it is a new gift, a new life, a new hope and a new love...I am not a perfect person I have so many imperfections and insecurities but I accept it gracefully cause the only way to be happy and be at peace with your life is by loving yourself more and sharing it with everyone

PS: written this last oct. 16, 2006 a year that made a big difference in my life.....