Need to be next to you

I've run from these feelings for so long
telling my heart I didn't need you
pretending I was better off alone
but I know that it's just a lie
so afraid to take a chance again
so afraid of what I'd feel inside

but I need to be next to you (need to be next to you)
oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath with you (share every breath with you)
oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see you smiling each morning
look into your eyes each night
for the rest of my life

here with you, near with you
oh I
I need to be next to you
need to be – next to you

right here with you is right where I belong
I'll lose my mind if I can't see you
without you there is nothing in this life
that would make life worth living for
I can't bear the thought of you not here
I can't fight what I feel anymore

'cause I need to be next to you (need to be next to you)
oh I, oh I
I need to share every breath with you (share every breath with you)
oh I, oh I
I need to know I can see you smiling each morning
look into your eyes each night
for the rest of my life

here with you, near with you
oh I
I need to be next to you

I need to have your heart next to mine
for all the time
hold you for all my life
I need to be next to you

I need to be next to you (to be next to you)
oh I, oh I
need to be, need to be next to you
share every breath with you
oh, oh I
I need to feel you in my arms, babe (oh...)
in my arms, babe (oh I...)
I need to be next to you
oh I, oh I
(oh I...)

PS: wla lang amards2x ani nga song...was just thinking about my life...

Ciao First Page

An hour more to go before my job here in FP is officially over. What would I miss the most well I definitely miss the friends I've met here especially the FP writers. It's been four months and within that span of time I've meet real people, people who I know will really be there for you when you needed somebody to lean on. Actually, I'm thankful I've found this job; it's a dream actually, because eversince I can remember, I always wanted to write. Nope I don't get recognize by what I do its more on ghost writing, copy writing or call it whatever you want. It's not an easy path to take, I have no experience whatsoever & I've yet to learn the proper ways & techniques to polish my writing, but that experience alone taught me many lessons. The first few months was hard because I was so used by the easy way of life, my carefree lazy days were over, but I know sooner or later I've gotta learn to get out from that slumber.

Indeed, it was nice to make new friends again, go out and party as I used to do, drink some, unwind some & talk some just the simple art of socializing. I've even went to the beach & wear my two-piece hahaha wouldn't you believe I've been wondering for years if I could ever wear one again. Eversince, my accident two years ago I don't like to go to the beach anymore & wear a two-piece, but with them, everything was so easy. They accepted me for what I am, they see me at my lowest point, & even me at my worst yet they become my friend.

Life in FP is not a bed of roses either I've had my share of hurt, pain, disappointments, but then that's part of life you can't really please anyone, though God knows how hard I try. I try to like the job I've been transfer to, I try to give it the best that I can, though at times I stare blankly at my monitor too clueless what to do. But, at least one way or another they did appreciate my effort. I don't claim my job was perfect that's the very best that I can give granting its not my ideal job not like in writing no matter how stressful, no matter how draining, no matter how tiresome but at the end of the day you'll know you've accomplish something. It gives you great pleasure because you love your job but if you don't love your job you'll feel the clueless & useless.

Now it’s an ending of another chapter, but I know it’s also the beginning of a new one. I know all along that I won't stay long. I know its only a stop over to something that I really wanna do but I know deep within I'm gonna miss the friends I have found -- the FP WRITERS and also the friends I have in the Link builders department. Thanks for everything, the experience, the lessons both good & bad & the friendship that I'll treasure. The memories in the old building would be the one I would treasure most especially all those trips to acoustic jams, bars, clubs & beaches. Ok I'll end it here I'm being too melodramatic lol...

done between 6:50 to 7:30

Full circle

Hello blog its been awhile haven't been writing my thoughts that much...how come? Oh well I'm just too preoccupied with the mundane things of living, again trying to sort things out for myself & trying to stay healthy? hmm that's yet to be seen...been to the doki today & I had another lab test ahhh I get used to the needles piercing through my veins...its not really a biggie thing just a short stop & trial, a wake up call for me to take care of my body. What have I been doing with it, am I punishing it for things I don't like within my world but then something happen to awaken me of this slumber. It was a week ago when I got sick with fever & my head just feels like exploding, it hurts to even stand up. I guess it was all an accumulation of the bad feelings I have within, conflict with work, confusion of what I really felt for a certain person. Then it hit me like brick that if I get better with my fever I swear I'll change everything I've perceive so far besides if I continue with this negativity I'll probably delay my plans. And guess what it seems life's really turning peachy & I'm feeling a lot better than what I felt two weeks ago. The confusion & conflict they've gone away for sure... actually I'm quite excited I'm just crossing my fingers things will turn out really great. Nahhh I still haven't bought my ticket will only do that after I've cleared things with my doki so for now all I have to do is wait. Wait for things to finally unravel before me -- my plans, my dreams & my love (hmmmm cge nlng gud pwd raman mangarap) to come in full circle this month.

Winning Friends

Winning Friends - Why Do We Need Them?

Thanks for the sweetness of Melissa who gave this award. Indeed, we are very lucky to have been able to make friends out of blogging and we should be thankful in every opportunity we encounter. "A hug is worth a thousand words, a friend is worth more."



We need friends for many reasons,all throughout the season.

We need friends to comfort uswhen we are sad,

and to have fun with us when we are glad.

We need friends to give us good advice,

We need someone we can count on,and treat us nice.

We need friends to remember usone we have passedsharing memories that will always last.

Spread the poem of friendship.1. Everyday Life 2. Words of Love 3. Sheng's Simple Thoughts 4. My Life's Rollercoaster Ride 5. Madz Life's Diary 6. Madz Wedding in Mauritius 7. Youthful Voices 8 Follow your sense you adventure 9 Beautiful Life... YOU

Now, I am passing this on to my these bloggers who have become my really good friends:

1.Amy
2.Bryce
3.Eva
4.Hazel
5.Anne
6.Chrissy
7.Hazel
8. and all my blogger friends who treasure me as a friends

Theory of Life and Love

by: Albert Einstein



Sometimes in our relentless effort to find the person we love,
We fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us.
We miss out on so many beautiful things simply because we
allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns.

Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words,
For you will find rewarding happiness,
Not with the man you love
But with the man who loves you more.

The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance
Far enough to allow the person to grow
But ever too far to feel the love within your being.

To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving,
It only means that you allow that person to find his
own happiness without expecting him to come back.

Letting go is not just setting the other person free,
But is also setting yourself free from all the bitterness,
Hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart.

Do not let the bitterness take away your strength
And weaken your faith,
And never allow pain to dishearten you;
But rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it.

You may find peace in loving someone from a distance
Not expecting something in return.
But be careful, for this can sustain life but can
never give enough room for us to grow.

We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past,
But real peace and happiness come
Only with open acceptance of what reality is today.
There comes a time in our lives when we chase upon someone so nice
And beautiful and we just find ourselves so intensely attracted to that person.
This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives
And eventually consumes our thoughts and actions.

The sad part of it is when we begin to
realize that this person feels nothing
more for us than just a friendship.

We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer,
But in the end, our efforts are still unrewarded
And we end up being sorry for ourselves.

You don't have to forget someone you love.
What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality
Without being bitter or sorry for yourself.
Believe me, you would be better off
giving that dedication and love to
someone more deserving.

Don't let your heart run your life,
Be sensible and let your mind speak for itself.

Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well.
Always remember that if you lose someone today,
It means that someone better is coming tomorrow.
If you lose love that doesn't mean you failed in love.

Cry if you have to, but make sure that tears wash away the hurt
And the bitterness that the past has left with you.
Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you.
And when it does, pray that it may be the love
that will stay and last a lifetime.

There are two ways to live your life:

One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There is no mistake so painful that love cannot forgive.
No past so bitter that love cannot accept.
And no love so little that we cannot
start all over with

Restless & bothered

The plan was to write a very long post about the things that happen today. I should have not make it a big deal but I don't know why I was hurt in the process. I guess it's just me showing off my very sensitive side. I thought I've forgotten that emotion buried somewhere deep within but just today I've found out otherwise. Geeez its not so bad but I don't know what happen when tears almost flow down my face, what an embarrassing moment, too glad no one notice. I guess you can call it anything you want but its just that plain and simple depending on your perception. I know tomorrow's another day much better perhaps than today & thanks for the advice of my mama & sistah to not mind so much. I was just carried away with a very strong emotion. But anyway I guess its time for me to move on to go on another journey & leave the people I've met along the way. It was really fun meeting them & I'll always put them in a special place in my heart, but I guess I was not meant to stay longer I guess I need to continue on my journey. But for now I'll swallow my pride, my pain, my hurt & everything in between & go on doing what I've always done. I know I maybe weak in terms of physical appearance but deep inside I'm strong because I know God is watching over me & never forsaking me in times of hard moments. I've been through far worse situation before than this shallowness so I know I can get by. I'll just tell myself its just a couple of weeks more and tada...well for now its goodnight its almost midnight....don't mind my sorry thoughts

Gilbeys - my baby

hip hop gilbeys



rolling on the mat



dirty face inside the truck



ready to leave...when's my next flight?



I used to have long hair but I trimmed it down so you can see my eyes

alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5232579078632157058" />

Look what they've done to me...I look like human...what????

My dog Gilbeys is going away for a week because his a big boy now hehehe but I'm gonna miss him so for now I'll just post some pictures of him

Brillante Award

Thanks Anne for this award. It's really appreciated. Sorry it take so long to grab the award kinda busy!



The above recipients of the Brillante Weblog are welcomed to put the Logo on their personal blogs and have the honor of passing this award to seven other bloggers.Here are the rules for passing on the award:

l. Put the logo on your blog

2. Add a link to the person who awarded you.

3. Nominate at least seven other blogs

4. Add links to those blogs on your blog

Leave a message for your nominee on their blog.

Now I would like to pass the award to the following bloggers:
Sand & everything under the Sun, I.blog.you, Avid Thinker, My comfort zone, Chronicles of boredom, Hodge Podge, Your Ecstacy ....guys I hope you grab my awards heheheh

Your Yesterday and Today

Thank you anne for the tag and visiting my site.

Here are the Rules:

1. List 6 things that describe yourself today or yesterday.
2. Add your blog to the list. Feel free to add all your other blogs.
3. Tag other online friends you know.

Yesterday
1. finish my 200 links variation whew...watta a challenge to your word vocabulary
2. render over an hour overtime, to patch up for my undertym hehehe wla jud clear
3. Went to consolacion to visit our friend Gracey stay there till 2a.m.

Today
1. woke up around 12pm coz sleep around 4am na so I miss my work today minus napud sa pay
2. Going to put the pictures on CD of our laag2x with Gracey
3. Bum around, relax, reminisce and go to the doctor later on...geez nasuki naman intawn ko nila ug sa hospital pud...I'm not a sickly person before but now hay sa kadaghan nko gipamati I just want to ignore it and enjoy life...

Participants : GailAdi/Momeen/Emmyrose/Dennis/Dette/Jirl/Janny/Nanay Belen/Carol/ Something Purple’s cucina / Vanity Kit / Mind Bubbles / Stripe&Yellow / Something Purple / Em’s Detour / Spin180 / Wisdom City / MY Happy Place / IamDzoi / ClikTrik / I Love the Thirties /Ozzy’s MomMe,Myself+2/Kidd Designs/Fun|Fierce|Fabulous / Blogger Happy / Berry Scrappy / Everyday CHI / My Colorful World / Explore Manila / Random Thoughts / When SAHM-one Speaks / Deranged Insanity / Mighty in Spirit/ Straight from the Heart/ Simple Delights / Motherhood in a Nutshell / Love Is / Wonderful Things in Life / My Life's Adventure / Photographic Memories / The Joy Of Life Forever / The Fountain Of Happiness / A Message From My Heart /My little home /Beautiful Life/ your blog here /

I am going to pass this to: Amy, Rej & Bryce paganswer mo ha kun wla mo lingaw sa work hehehe Thank you...to see the original image visit this site: http://www.taramcpherson.com/artwork.php

I wish

I wish it was your arms
entwined within my body
I wish it was your scent
that tantalize my senses
I wish it was your breath
that warmth me all over
I wish it was your kiss
that quench my longing
I wish it was you
that completes my existence
but there's no you
just a wind passing by
to remind me of a passing fancy

PS: Done 8-4-08 11:05pm while I was just thinking of things and the idea formulate so here's the outcome wrote this less than 5 minutes hehehe if im inspire its that fast to write a poem...lol I hope you like it and do leave a comment what you think thanks...

Before & After Marriage

Before marriage (read downwards)
He: It's great, the day I am waiting
for finally comes. I can't wait.
She: What if I regret and get a
divorce?
He: Don't you even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course.
She: Is there any possibility that you
will betray me?
He: Of course not, how can you have
this kind of idea?
She: Can you give me one kiss?
He: Of course, but once is not enough.
She: Is there any possibility you will
beat me?
He: Never.
She: Can I believe you?
After marriage (read upwards)

Girlfriend to Wife

Dear Tech Support Team:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend
5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program
began unexpected child-processes that
took up a lot of space and valuable
resources.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself
into all other programs and now
monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights
10.3, Cricket 5.0, BeerWithBuddies
7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer run,
crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background while attempting to run my
favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 5.0, but the 'uninstall'
doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!!!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User"



REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common
problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from
Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking
that it is just a Utilities and
Entertainment program.

Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator
to run EVERYTHING!!!

It is also impossible to
delete Wife 1.0 and to return to
Girlfriend 5.0.

It is impossible to
uninstall, or purge the program files
from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0
because Wife 1.0 is designed not to
allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0
Manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child
Support) .

I recommend that you keep
Wife1.0 and work on improving the
environment.

I suggest installing the
background application "Yes Dear" to
alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is
to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE
because ultimately you will have to
give the APOLOGIZE command before the
system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it
tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife 1.0 comes with several support
programs,
such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5
and DoLaundry 4.2. However, be very
careful how you use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to
launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once
this happens, the only way to improve
the performance of Wife 1.0 is to
purchase additional software. I
recommend Sarees 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0

WARNING: DO NOT, under any
circumstances, install
SecretaryWithShortSkirt 3.3. This
application is not supported by Wife
1.0 and will cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.

PS: hehehe some part of the post is true....

Broken Dreams

It's hard to get up when things finally start falling into pieces. The dreams you've made shattered and broken. Can it all be healed? Can time erase the pain & hurt of that broken dreams? I'm a very sensitive person very open to observing people's reaction to a certain situation that sometimes I can even predict if someone's hurt or distress.

But I don't mind them nor give them unsolicited advice. You can seldom see me talking and minding other people's business duhh they're adult right they should know what's wrong or right. But what if they can't tell the difference should I mind or not. The answer is no I very seldom give advice but when I do I always forget what I said only to be reminded later on by friends that I was the one who told them this and that.

Maybe I am just getting older where memory span tend to be short and what I say sometimes really doesn't make sense. But anyway here I am again on and off to two different topic so what about my title ok I'm getting there I'm just warming up. So I'm very particular about broken dreams and healing because I'm no stranger to that myself.

I've spend so many years trying to work things out for myself as you can see I'm a happy go lucky 30 years old gal still trying to make sense of it all. Hmmm maybe by now I should have found my answer but NO I'm still in my never ending journey. Although at this age I've learned many lessons that you won't learn in your younger years. Despite how you say you're mature because your this and that but experience is still the best teacher.

Throughout your life as your age grows older you see things and find things and then you make that things workout to better suit you. Hahaha I'm just kidding you can find out about it when you reach 30 and experience a few heartaches and pains but not with regards to love but more on life in general.

Ahh that pain it’s not so easy to heal, heartache can heal in time especially if it’s only broken love. Since, our life continues on moving and nothing much to do but get better as it progresses. However, the pain can remain for years it can get buried but there will be moments that it will resurface and geeez I know a dam will be broken during that time.

And that’s what greeted me when I arrive home today about my mother talking about my brother’s problem. It’s the hardest thing to solve someone else dilemma if one also don’t try to help oneself. It’s an emotional dilemma that’s been tearing him apart for years.

I know we don’t have a perfect childhood but when one is in pain one don’t realize the word FORGIVENESS. Oh yeah that excess baggage you’ll carry through your life if you don’t learn that word. Since, only through FORGIVENESS one can really move on and be at peace with thy self.

But people keep asking me before what’s my problem because they say nothing too big a problem if it does not involve financial aspect. Duhh Hello? Whose to say how big or small your problems only you can feel it no one can ever say it too “aii sush gamay rana dli bitaw na wawart” ahh that’s the most annoying thing someone could say.

The world does not revolve around money because one way or another you can find it in your own little way. The reason why people get this notion is because they think money can solve all the problems in the world and it’s such a shame because actually it’s not the answer.

Have you ever seen a crazy person in the street do you think the reason s/he went over the edge is because of money nahh it’s more his emotional turmoil. So it’s the reason why I’ve been rambling for so long because I can empathize with what my brother’s feeling but I guess I just can’t feel the pain he is feeling. I know it will be long but only until you can forgive then the healing will start.

Two years ago was the turning point in my life it was at that time I realize that I had too much excess baggage in my life, too much anger, too much hatred, too much pain and it was the reason for all my unhappiness. Then someone teach me how to forgive and how to trust God no matter how bad you are feeling. I’m not trying to convince you or convert you I’m just stating what I’ve been through.

Yes I’ve seen many people who have broken dreams almost give up on life, too disillusion, too numb to really go on but hey I’ve been in the same boat, the same path you’ve been living right now. I get better, I forgive and I trust that although I’ve many broken dreams life still give you chances to start all over again from scratch.

PS: write the half part when I get home this morning and the second part after I wake up this afternoon.....beautiful art credit by this link: http://www.elfwood.com/art/l/i/lisad/broken_dreams2.jpg.html

It's been awhile

I just came home from a night out with friends. I think the last time I went home early morning was back in 2003 it was after Jamaican night. But honestly speaking I really like going home when I can see the sun starts rising in the sky. As you may know I'm not a morning person so I can seldom see this phenomenon, when everything wakes up to see a new day just beginning, another new promise to make everything right.

Anyway, while I was riding a taxi home and I pass the rotunda where the church is located my mind started drifting a few years back in 2003. It was around 6am we were riding the van owned by my schoolmate in college. It was actually a hitch ride since we don't have a car at that time and getting a taxi is just taboo with too many people looking for a taxi ride home. Since, we meet them at the event and one of my schoolmates like my friend so they invited us to ride with them to Guadalupe.

Afterwards, when we reach the rotunda near church we see a little store who sells "puto & sikwate". We get out of the car and eat at the store. Ahhh for me it was heaven at that time eating "puto & sikwate" early in the morning with friends while the sun is just hovering in the horizon. Pure bliss for someone who seldom see sunrise.

Hey I'm not a vampire its just I find peacefulness after sunset where you can't see pollution in the air & the noises of jeepneys started subsiding while students and workers go home.

So what's the purpose of all these ramblings well I felt again that bliss while riding the taxi and was thinking about my friends way back when we were all one – the coolbabes. Ahh it was such fun memories, the craziness of all the things that we do, I will not forget those moments ever but I know in time well see each other again and laugh at our youthful folly. Hmmm actually I seldom felt those flashbacks anymore just don't know why the memories came rushing so fast so I decided to write and sleep afterwards.

For now we live life separately in different places, different friends and different directions but I thank you for all coming into my life. I have meet people who fill the empty places you've left behind they help me remember our past. But not actually relieving it but making new memories for me to savor later on. They make me see what I've missed out so much by my self-imposed solidad of not finding new friends and clinging so hard to the past.

Again thank your for another sunrise and new friends who'll probably fill another chapter in my life. Share many adventures, travel & stories though not the same as what we have before but yet still meaningful to fill a colorful hue in my life. Ok I'm going now not making sense sometimes when I'm writing coz' I want to catch up my thoughts. I'm not a writer, I'm never good at it but I just like to express my thoughts and maybe perhaps you get a glimpse inside my head :-)